the long version (finally!)

If it seems as though I've dropped off the face of the earth lately...it's because I have! Good gravy it's a lot of work with two kids! Don't get me wrong...I wouldn't trade it for the world. It's just veeeeeery busy around these parts.

Anyway....about a thousand years ago I promised the long version of the story. Today...I'm delivering. Here goes:

It was somewhere in the beginning of January when we first became aware of the possibility of Ella. Our social worker e-mailed us to say that there was a birthmother out in Maryland (who was originally from Minnesota and planned on returning here) looking to place with a MN family. She was due on Valentine's Day and the gender was unknown. Were we interested in being chosen? Let me think about that....um, yep!

So we had out profile sent out to the east coast (along with something like 20 other MN waiting families). We figured our odds were slim and so we decided not to hold out breath. We put the whole idea of it on that back burner.

Fast forward to January 11th. This was a Friday and were told that it was on that day that the birthmom would be viewing the profiles. Obviously it was on out mind all weekend long. We went away for Kurt's work party that weekend and when we returned we walked in the door to see that my cousin (who had borrowed our bassinett for the time being) had returned the baby bed. Did you catch that? We walked in the door to find an empty cradle staring us in the face. I looked up, laughed, and bantered, "God - you better not be playing with me!"

The next day, Monday, we found out that our profile was one of four that the birthmom had taken home over the weekend to pray about. OH MY! This was getting serious! We still declined to share much of anything with family and friends, believing that we simply couldn't be this lucky. So we waited to hear. And waited. And waited, and waited, and waited.

Finally, on Thursday January 17th (at 4:30 PM), my phone rang. It was our social worker. Her tone and greeting lead me to believe this was a "too bad, so sad" call. Boy was I wrong! I asked her to repeat herself after she told me, "you've been chosen!"

Tears. Disbelief. A slight bit of panic. Lots of joy.

I got off the phone and tried to reach Kurt (who was out chopping wood). After 3 tries, I gave up. I turned toward Mary (still crying) and scooped her up in a giant hug. "MARY (I screamed) do you want to be a big sister?!?!?" I got a very prompt and loud, "NO!" This would be a theme throughout Ella's first few weeks. :)

Finally I got ahold of Kurt. More tears. More disbelief. More joy.

We invited my family over for dinner to share the news. Everyone was VERY excited.

Throughout the following week I got a few things ready, but not too much. Part of me was still certain that this couldn't all work out in our favor.

On the morning of January 24th Mary and I walked over to mom and dad's to bring Mom some muffins for her birthday. We were just sitting around talking when my phone rang. It was our social worker. Again, my gut instinct was wrong as I thought for certain she was calling to tell us that the birthmom had changed her mind. Instead she was calling to tell us that the birthmom (who has a name by the way....it's Tonya) was going to the hospital...her water had broken!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Tons of phone calls. Crunch time. By 1:00 PM we made the decision to start packing up the van and get our buts out to Maryland. This was really happening and it was happening NOW!

Mom and Dad came over to help watch Mary, wash baby clothes, pack things up. Everyone's hearts were racing.

At 5:30 PM the three of us got in the mini van (not having even looked up directions) punched "Silver Springs, Maryland" into the GPS system and headed east with crazy, dopey grins plastered all over our faces.

We drove through the night. Mary did well, sleeping mostly but watching Baby Einsteen or the Wiggles when necessary. Kurt and I were exhausted.

At 9:00 the next morning (still driving) we heard from Tonya's social worker in Maryland. Baby girl born on 1-24 at 9:37 PM. Healthy and beautiful!

We cried.

Two girls. Two little girls! How did we ever get so lucky?

Right then, we named her Ella Rose. Louella was Kurt's mother's middle name (we shortened it to Ella) and Rose is Tonya's middle name. We gave glory to God.

By noon we had made it to Silver Spring and checked into our hotel, grabbed a quick shower, and headed over to the hospital where we met our new daughter and her mom.

We stayed until 8 PM that night. The social worker said she had never seen a birthmom and an adoptive family "gel" as quickly as we did. It was natural, effortless. We clicked.

Mary was a mess. She pushed every button in that hospital room that she could find. Poor Tonya's bed was going up and down and there were several times that Mary "accidently" called the nurse. Yikes! Tonya didn't miss a beat though. She could tell we were stressed and so she pulled Mary up into bed with her to watch some cartoons so that we could bond with Ella.

Did I mention how great Tonya is?

We kept asking if we should leave. We wanted to respect her time with Ella in the hospital. She said, "it's better to have you here. It makes me feel good to watch you hold her, love her."

So we stayed. And when we left, we made plans to return at 8:00 the next morning.

We spent the whole day there until everyone was discharged at about 3:00.

Parting ways was one of the hardest things I've ever experienced. Bittersweet doesn't describe it. Tonya and I held each other and wept. Sobs and big fat tears. It was honestly so hard. I kept whispering to her, "we're family now. We're family now." She said goodbye to Ella and we drove away.

Tears. Joy with our blessing. Sadness at her grief. Tears.

We got to our hotel just in time for Mary to nap and for Kurt and I to snuggle with our new daughter. It felt so good. Finally, it felt real.

The next day we moved hotels to an 'extended stay' place (much cheaper! thank heavens!).
The following two weeks were much busier than I had anticipated. Kurt's parents came. I had to fly home to photograph my first wedding. My mom flew back out. Kurt went home. We visited with Tonya several times. It was so great to see her each time. I could sense she was slowly healing.

On Wednesday, February 6th we got the call that we were clear to leave Maryland! All the paperwork had gone through and we were free to go home.

Much to my surprise, I wasn't completely overjoyed. I knew that this meant I had to say "goodbye" to Tonya again. This time, it would be goodbye for good (well not really for good, just until she comes back to Minnesota in May). We made plans to go out to dinner that night. After eating we hung out at her place for awhile, prolonging the inevitable.

She kept saying, "I know this what I have to do....what I need to do, but it's still so hard." I reassured her that I believed her, but I didn't dare say "I understand" because I know that I couldn't possibly understand those emotions.

We cried. We hugged. We took pictures. We cried.

I reassured her that she is part of this family now.

Then, we said goodbye. It was hard. So hard.

Mom and I drove back to the hotel, and got things ready to leave.

The next morning, at 5 Am, we packed up my two little girls and headed home.

I couldn't wait to get here. I couldn't wait to fall asleep in our big leather recliner with my daughters snoozing on my lap. I couldn't wait to hug Kurt. I couldn't wait show Ella to my dad and my sisters. I couldn't wait for all of this to become real. The kind of realness that only happens when you're back on your own turf.

We arrived home on Friday, February 8th at 5:00 PM. We were tired. We were exhausted. But, nonetheless, we were home.

Home never felt so good before.