One year ago today...this little tiny pink bundle jumped into our lives and forever changed our world. In fact, this morning she woke us up at 6 AM crying to remind us just how much she has impacted out lives! We actually had a really nice morning...the whole family in bed. We retold Mary the story of her 'special day'...the day we first met her:
An interesting turn of events... :)
Oh my...where do I even begin this post? For starters, let me say the most important part: Kurt and I are parents!!! Yep, that's right...we're parents!!!
As I sit and type this Kurt is upstairs holding our sleeing, beautiful baby girl, Mary Emma Grace Hoeger. Today she is 10 days old (born May 22 at 6:01 AM). She is a tiny, little peanut and came into this world weighing only 6.1 lbs and measuring 18 1/4 inches.
So, now that I've dropped the bombshell, let me back track and tell you how this sweet little girl became a Hoeger.
Thursday, May 25th
Last Thursday was just about as ordinary of a day as they come. Kurt and I got ready and headed off to work. We ran late, which made me a bit crabby. I even told Kurt, "you know - today I have a lot of really important things on my plate" (referring, of course, to things happening at work). The morning proceeded as normal - running around trying to get lots of things done. Kurt and I were also trying to figure out how we would manage to get all of prep work done to spend the entire memorial day weekend camping with friends. We were making mental lists of groceries to buy and supplies to pack. Overall - we were running at full speed.
At about lunch time Kurt and I were talking on the phone, trying to plan an upcoming vacation to Montana (I'll be attending a conference out there in July, so we thought we'd go early and make it into a getaway for the two of us). We were arranging flights and deciding on accomodations, everything was nearly set. Just before we were to decide which type of car we'd rent, Kurt got another call on his cell-phone. He was sure it was a work call and said he better take it. I told him just to let it go to voicemail, "we need to get this arranged before my credit card information times out on the website." He let the call go, I pushed send - and poof, through the magic of the information superhighway we were destined for Montana. :) We said our goodbyes and that was that.
Until a few minutes later I get a call from Carol (our social worker at Bethany Christian Services). I could hardly believe when she told me the news, "Tammy, I just tried calling Kurt (that was her calling through when I told Kurt not to take the call)....I have news for you. There is a 3 day old baby girl waiting in Des Moines for you...come pick her up right away!" I was speechless....my body turned numb. This, I thought, this is what God had in the works us for us. Clearly...THIS is our baby.
Kurt and I finally got through to each other. He was already in the car heading to my work. "Let's go to Des Moines and get our baby!" We rejoiced together! Of course, however, there were some small details to take care of first. I had to call travelocity and beg to cancel our tickets we had purchased seconds earlier(the darnest situation, huh?). Thankfully they were kind enough to reemburse us fully. I also had to arrange some things at work (remember the 'big day' I talked about earlier...I had lots on my plate for the afternoon!). Fortunate for me, I work in a wonderful office with great people who celebrated with me and assured me that everything would get taken care of. I must admit that Kurt and I felt a bit like celebrities as we walked out of my office together. All my supportive coworkers were lined up smiling and waving! :)
So then we hopped in the car to rush to Des Moines...time to meet our baby. We drove too fast and prayed a lot along the way. I don't think it really set it what was actually happening. Reality hit soon enough as we pulled up to the Bethany office in Des Moines. We had to wait outside briefly, but were then ushered into the room where we met our precious little angel and her birthmother, Shawna. Shawna was very calm and she walked right up to me and placed Mary in my arms. She hugged me, she hugged Kurt, she said, "you look like good people, i bet you'll do a really good job." She hugged me again and I prayed over her. After we finished hugging she kissed Mary on the cheek, told her she loved her, and walked out. It was so quick. Quicker than I ever imagined.
When she left the room...Kurt and I just stared at each other. Oh my goodness...this is our daughter! We cried and held each other. Little Mary just slept peacefully. It was a moment I'll never forget.
A few hours later, after some appropriate legal work was signed...we were off for home! Thankfully Kurt's sister Traci was able to bring us a car seat to use (obviously we didn't have ours with us!). The ride from Des Moines to our house seemed to take forever. We just couldn't wait to get our little peanut home!
Which brings me to the present. Here we are...at home...one big happy family. Mary is a great baby - not fussy at all. She loves to be held and makes these sweet little faces when she's awake and feeling lively. She's eating a lot and gained 8 oz. over the weekend (The Hoegers know how to fatten someone right up!). I don't sleep much as she gets up every two or three hours. I don't mind though...I just kick back and watch a little "Mary TV" (a term I use for my new favorite activity...staring at my daughter for hours on end). We've had loads of visitors and everyone agrees with me...she is darn cute! I'll post some pictures so you can see so for yourself :)
On that note...I should probably run. I hear Mary fussing and I ought to go fix another bottle. Time for some more Mary TV.
God is so good and we owe all we have to Him! Praise His name!
Friday, May 25, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday sweet baby Mary!!!!
I can't believe you're one already. I love you more than words can express.
Love,
Mom
I can't believe you're one already. I love you more than words can express.
Love,
Mom
The best mother's day present....ever
Before I begin this post, I want to give a shout out to my wonderful hubby Kurt. He's so thoughtful, caring, affectionate and he's madly in love with me and our daughter. He was so sweet to me on Mother's Day and woke me with a sweet card and a beautiful necklace. But that wasn't the best mother's day present I received.
The best mother's day present came two days later on Tuesday at about noon. It came right in the middle of feeding Mary lunch. The doorbell rang and by the time I got to the door, I could see the postwoman driving away. Looking down at my feet I noticed the package she left behind. Excitedly, I picked it up....I love getting packages. But then I saw who it was from...and I went numb.
The package was from Mary's birthmother, Shawna. A woman I've thought about every single day since we last saw her on May 25th, 2006 (the day we were placed with Mary). A woman who I feared we would never hear from again.
We sent letters every month to Bethany for her to pick up but she never retrieved them. We hoped, we prayed, we wished that she might reach out to us. And finally, two months ago...we broke the rules.
I found Shawna's address on a piece of paperwork given to us at placement. I knew what I had to do. I wrote her a letter and begged her to send a picture and some words for Mary. I wanted to let her know how much we value her role in Mary's life...how important she was. "Please...please...write us back."
Then nothing happened. For two...whole...months. I gave up. I became frustrated. I was even...inapropriately...angry.
Then last Tuesday the answer to my prayers happened. Words can't describe the joy I felt on realizing who the package was from. "MARY!!!" I screamed, "It's from your birthmom!"
I ran back to the highchair and sobbed as I read though the letters inside. Letters to me, to Kurt, to Mary. She included the hospital bracelets belonging to both her and Mary. She even put together a photo album with Mary's birth story. Pictures from before we even met Mary (at the hospital, etc.). There were even pictures of Shawna as a baby and growing up. Man she looked like Mary. It's unreal how much the look alike.
I cried such fat tears. Tears of joy for reconnecting with this woman who is so important to my daughter. Tears of sorrow at her pain and love for Mary. Bittersweet tears at the sad joy that is adoption.
Through my tears I looked up at my sweet baby girl. In perfect timing, she cocked her head sideways and softly muttered, "mom."
Oh yes, babygirl. This was from your mom.
Since then we've sent Shawna a package and also received another letter and a birthday card for Mary. In her letter she was so sweet to write, "tammy I was thinking of you on Mother's day...hoping that your first was good." Wow. Talk about being humbled. She was thinking of me?!?!?
No. On Mother's day I was thinking of her. I was sitting in a church holding my daughter on my lap and praying that God would keep this woman in His watch and maybe....MAYBE....move her heart to be able to reach out and connect with us.
God must have been smiling a knowing smile at that moment. The package was alreadyin the mail.
Yes indeed, the best mother's day gift ever.
The best mother's day present came two days later on Tuesday at about noon. It came right in the middle of feeding Mary lunch. The doorbell rang and by the time I got to the door, I could see the postwoman driving away. Looking down at my feet I noticed the package she left behind. Excitedly, I picked it up....I love getting packages. But then I saw who it was from...and I went numb.
The package was from Mary's birthmother, Shawna. A woman I've thought about every single day since we last saw her on May 25th, 2006 (the day we were placed with Mary). A woman who I feared we would never hear from again.
We sent letters every month to Bethany for her to pick up but she never retrieved them. We hoped, we prayed, we wished that she might reach out to us. And finally, two months ago...we broke the rules.
I found Shawna's address on a piece of paperwork given to us at placement. I knew what I had to do. I wrote her a letter and begged her to send a picture and some words for Mary. I wanted to let her know how much we value her role in Mary's life...how important she was. "Please...please...write us back."
Then nothing happened. For two...whole...months. I gave up. I became frustrated. I was even...inapropriately...angry.
Then last Tuesday the answer to my prayers happened. Words can't describe the joy I felt on realizing who the package was from. "MARY!!!" I screamed, "It's from your birthmom!"
I ran back to the highchair and sobbed as I read though the letters inside. Letters to me, to Kurt, to Mary. She included the hospital bracelets belonging to both her and Mary. She even put together a photo album with Mary's birth story. Pictures from before we even met Mary (at the hospital, etc.). There were even pictures of Shawna as a baby and growing up. Man she looked like Mary. It's unreal how much the look alike.
I cried such fat tears. Tears of joy for reconnecting with this woman who is so important to my daughter. Tears of sorrow at her pain and love for Mary. Bittersweet tears at the sad joy that is adoption.
Through my tears I looked up at my sweet baby girl. In perfect timing, she cocked her head sideways and softly muttered, "mom."
Oh yes, babygirl. This was from your mom.
Since then we've sent Shawna a package and also received another letter and a birthday card for Mary. In her letter she was so sweet to write, "tammy I was thinking of you on Mother's day...hoping that your first was good." Wow. Talk about being humbled. She was thinking of me?!?!?
No. On Mother's day I was thinking of her. I was sitting in a church holding my daughter on my lap and praying that God would keep this woman in His watch and maybe....MAYBE....move her heart to be able to reach out and connect with us.
God must have been smiling a knowing smile at that moment. The package was alreadyin the mail.
Yes indeed, the best mother's day gift ever.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
these boots are made for walking...
I've been a slacker and haven't blogged about this yet (silly mamma). About a week ago Mary took her first step!!! Then, very early the next morning, her dad had the privilege of watching her take 4 steps in a row. I was so happy for him to be able to see this and to experience this by himself. Later that day she took 7 steps in a row! What a stud!
One would think she'd be off and running a week later right? Not so much. She basically hasn't done anything since then besides a half step here and a half step there. She cracks me up.
She did say "Copper" the other day while pointing to him. Copper is our golden retriever. Kurt and I have always favored our black lab (Jack) over Copper (bad puppy parents...playing favorites). It's funny how Mary has her own favorites!
Random post, I know.
One would think she'd be off and running a week later right? Not so much. She basically hasn't done anything since then besides a half step here and a half step there. She cracks me up.
She did say "Copper" the other day while pointing to him. Copper is our golden retriever. Kurt and I have always favored our black lab (Jack) over Copper (bad puppy parents...playing favorites). It's funny how Mary has her own favorites!
Random post, I know.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
i AM the ugly face
Others had wondered it, some had questioned it, but today I realized it for myself. I - AM- the ugly face (see previous post from 4.30.07 for explanation).
Mary had woken up from her nap so I went to go grab her. She was crying and fussing and a good look in the mirror always makes her smile (conceited much?). She just thinks it's so funny to see herself.
So over to the mirror we went. We made faces. We pointed. We laughed. And then, I saw it.
Here we were - mother and daughter but not by blood - making the EXACT same face as we giggled. Both of us scrunching up our nose and showing our big top gums as we laughed at something silly. Both of us making 'the ugly face.'
Nature vs. nurture...who knows?
All I can say is at that moment I felt a different type of closeness with her. One like I've never felt before.
Mary had woken up from her nap so I went to go grab her. She was crying and fussing and a good look in the mirror always makes her smile (conceited much?). She just thinks it's so funny to see herself.
So over to the mirror we went. We made faces. We pointed. We laughed. And then, I saw it.
Here we were - mother and daughter but not by blood - making the EXACT same face as we giggled. Both of us scrunching up our nose and showing our big top gums as we laughed at something silly. Both of us making 'the ugly face.'
Nature vs. nurture...who knows?
All I can say is at that moment I felt a different type of closeness with her. One like I've never felt before.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
One year ago
One year ago today, we woke up believing that this was the day we would become parents.
One year ago today, the first birthmother with whom we were matched was scheduled for an induction.
One year ago today, that birthmother forgot to call and reserve a bed in the hospital which lead us to believe we would have to wait "one more day."
One year ago today, we went hiking and mushroom hunting because going back to work after finding out about the delay seemed so anticlimactic.
One year ago today, that birthmother went on to deliver naturally during the afternoon.
One year ago today, she had a baby girl.
One year ago today, she decided to parent that baby girl.
One year ago tomorrow, we found out about that decision.
One year ago tomorrow, we grieved and mourned and grew together as a couple in a way we never imagined.
One year ago today, another woman expecting a different little girl was three weeks from delivering. That little girl would become our baby Mary.
It's amazing what a difference a year makes. I was in the middle of a Wal-Mart run tonight when I remembered what "today" was. On remembering, I was struck with a flurry of emotions. I hurt to remember the pain that Kurt and I felt one year ago tomorrow. I was saddened to think of the angst and confusion that birthmother must have been feeling after she delivered her baby girl but before she made her decision to parent. I was embarassed to think of some of the thoughts I had and words I said upon experiencing a failed match. I was proud to think of all the ways that I've grown in the past year...of how much I've learned about ethical adoption. I was overwhelmed with thanksgiving on how our adoption journey turned out...in that we call Mary our daughter today. At the same time, I was still sad about that first little girl. For the few weeks that I knew about her before she was born, I really grew to love her. And that love doesn't just dissapear. This doesn't negate my love for Mary in any way shape or form. It's just all part of the story of my life. It's all part of my journey in motherhood.
One year ago today, the first birthmother with whom we were matched was scheduled for an induction.
One year ago today, that birthmother forgot to call and reserve a bed in the hospital which lead us to believe we would have to wait "one more day."
One year ago today, we went hiking and mushroom hunting because going back to work after finding out about the delay seemed so anticlimactic.
One year ago today, that birthmother went on to deliver naturally during the afternoon.
One year ago today, she had a baby girl.
One year ago today, she decided to parent that baby girl.
One year ago tomorrow, we found out about that decision.
One year ago tomorrow, we grieved and mourned and grew together as a couple in a way we never imagined.
One year ago today, another woman expecting a different little girl was three weeks from delivering. That little girl would become our baby Mary.
It's amazing what a difference a year makes. I was in the middle of a Wal-Mart run tonight when I remembered what "today" was. On remembering, I was struck with a flurry of emotions. I hurt to remember the pain that Kurt and I felt one year ago tomorrow. I was saddened to think of the angst and confusion that birthmother must have been feeling after she delivered her baby girl but before she made her decision to parent. I was embarassed to think of some of the thoughts I had and words I said upon experiencing a failed match. I was proud to think of all the ways that I've grown in the past year...of how much I've learned about ethical adoption. I was overwhelmed with thanksgiving on how our adoption journey turned out...in that we call Mary our daughter today. At the same time, I was still sad about that first little girl. For the few weeks that I knew about her before she was born, I really grew to love her. And that love doesn't just dissapear. This doesn't negate my love for Mary in any way shape or form. It's just all part of the story of my life. It's all part of my journey in motherhood.
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