One year ago today, we woke up believing that this was the day we would become parents.
One year ago today, the first birthmother with whom we were matched was scheduled for an induction.
One year ago today, that birthmother forgot to call and reserve a bed in the hospital which lead us to believe we would have to wait "one more day."
One year ago today, we went hiking and mushroom hunting because going back to work after finding out about the delay seemed so anticlimactic.
One year ago today, that birthmother went on to deliver naturally during the afternoon.
One year ago today, she had a baby girl.
One year ago today, she decided to parent that baby girl.
One year ago tomorrow, we found out about that decision.
One year ago tomorrow, we grieved and mourned and grew together as a couple in a way we never imagined.
One year ago today, another woman expecting a different little girl was three weeks from delivering. That little girl would become our baby Mary.
It's amazing what a difference a year makes. I was in the middle of a Wal-Mart run tonight when I remembered what "today" was. On remembering, I was struck with a flurry of emotions. I hurt to remember the pain that Kurt and I felt one year ago tomorrow. I was saddened to think of the angst and confusion that birthmother must have been feeling after she delivered her baby girl but before she made her decision to parent. I was embarassed to think of some of the thoughts I had and words I said upon experiencing a failed match. I was proud to think of all the ways that I've grown in the past year...of how much I've learned about ethical adoption. I was overwhelmed with thanksgiving on how our adoption journey turned out...in that we call Mary our daughter today. At the same time, I was still sad about that first little girl. For the few weeks that I knew about her before she was born, I really grew to love her. And that love doesn't just dissapear. This doesn't negate my love for Mary in any way shape or form. It's just all part of the story of my life. It's all part of my journey in motherhood.
5 comments:
Beautifully said! (as always!!)
Tammy--thank you for writing this post. I've been doing lots of thinking about adoptive motherhood and feel like there are things that only another adoptive parent can understand. This is one of them. How I wish we had gotten the chance to honestly become friends when you were here! :) Glad to see all is going well.
Hey Momma- I enjoyed your post, and can't believe that it's been a year- wow! I remember the day I found out about this situation and how my heart ached for you and Kurt. But God had better plans for the two of you- Mary!!! I understand your feelings about that other little girl, though and how those feelings just don't go away. Take care. Love you. Rachel
I know I'm sort of hormonal but your story made me cry.
I'm so happy you have baby Mary. What a blessing you've gotten at the end of your long road!
What a wonderful anniversary you're celebrating! Congratulations.
Post a Comment