One year ago, just about at this exact hour, I first laid eyes on you in a cold hospital room in the middle of Maryland. I was tired and weary after a whirlwind 16 hour journey through the night to meet you. You were sleepy and exhausted, not even 12 hours old. Through the emotional fog that hovered in that room, your bright blue eyes locked on mine and melted my heart and from that moment on...I was totally, overwhelmingly in love with you.
I'll never forget how sweet it was to hold you for the first time and how much I just wanted to unwrap that blanket, strip off that hat, and stare at every inch of you so that I could memorize your whole being. I was torn between holding you tight to my body so that I could feel your heart beating and laying you across my lap so that I could stare at you for hours. You bonded to be me instantly, and secretly I loved that you desired...demanded...to be held by me for the majority of your first year of life. You see, your mama would do anything for you, baby girl.
Yesterday we celebrated your first birthday. Today is our anniversary of meeting you. What lucky fools we all are to have each other.
Happy Birthday, sweet Ella Rose. God bless you today, tomorrow, and always.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
moms say the darndest things
It's funny what comes out of your mouth when you stay at home all day with two toddlers. Just now as I was on lunch duty with the munchkids I laughed out loud at myself.
Mary's highchair is right next to the place where we drop assorted mail and newspapers (bad choice of location, I think). Feeling distracted and unwilling to eat she was grabbing for yesterday's unread newspaper. The conversation went a little something like this.
"Mommy! Mommy! This is Barack Obama"
"Yes Mary, that is Barack Obama." (thinking I should make this a teachable moment) "He is the new president of our country. We really hope he does a very good job."
"Yes, he needs to do good job. Ella needs to do good job too."
(and the next sentence is where I laughed out loud at myself)
"Okay Mary, that's enough. Put Barack Obama down and eat your macaroni."
Okay...maybe you just had to be here.
Mary's highchair is right next to the place where we drop assorted mail and newspapers (bad choice of location, I think). Feeling distracted and unwilling to eat she was grabbing for yesterday's unread newspaper. The conversation went a little something like this.
"Mommy! Mommy! This is Barack Obama"
"Yes Mary, that is Barack Obama." (thinking I should make this a teachable moment) "He is the new president of our country. We really hope he does a very good job."
"Yes, he needs to do good job. Ella needs to do good job too."
(and the next sentence is where I laughed out loud at myself)
"Okay Mary, that's enough. Put Barack Obama down and eat your macaroni."
Okay...maybe you just had to be here.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
please God...no
Finally Mary is taking a nap.
The past two days she has declined. Not in a crabby way. Not in a crying way. Just in a..."mom...I seriously am not tired. Can we just get over this?" kind of a way.
I am NOT ready for her to be done with naps. She's too young. And I'm too nap-dependent.
Praying that this is just a blip.
The past two days she has declined. Not in a crabby way. Not in a crying way. Just in a..."mom...I seriously am not tired. Can we just get over this?" kind of a way.
I am NOT ready for her to be done with naps. She's too young. And I'm too nap-dependent.
Praying that this is just a blip.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
date update (that sounds funny)
We had to cancel our date on the night it was originally planned (bad roads - sitter backed out).
BUT - we were able to have a pseudo-date the next night. We actually needed to run a bunch of errands and so we made that into a date-ish sort of activity. Mom watched the kiddos and we ran to LaCrosse. No cell phones, no Tammy working on the laptop, just us. Talking. Gabbing. It was great. Then we ran to Sam's Club, Target, Kohls, and Toys R Us (my hubby is good to me) before settling in for dinner at Applebees. It's amazing how NICE it is to just have dinner with my man. No kids - just us for about 45 minutes. It was great!
We so need to make this a priority! Any ideas for our next outing (perhaps something a little less...ordinary)?
BUT - we were able to have a pseudo-date the next night. We actually needed to run a bunch of errands and so we made that into a date-ish sort of activity. Mom watched the kiddos and we ran to LaCrosse. No cell phones, no Tammy working on the laptop, just us. Talking. Gabbing. It was great. Then we ran to Sam's Club, Target, Kohls, and Toys R Us (my hubby is good to me) before settling in for dinner at Applebees. It's amazing how NICE it is to just have dinner with my man. No kids - just us for about 45 minutes. It was great!
We so need to make this a priority! Any ideas for our next outing (perhaps something a little less...ordinary)?
what do you YOU use?
My laptop screen is dirty. I mean FILTHY. Grubby baby hands have been smeared all over it. I'm scared to clean it because I don't want my screen to go wonky or anything like that. Any advice? Anyone? Bueller?
Saturday, January 3, 2009
the stuff that marriage is made of
You know that scene in Old School where Will Ferrel's character (Frank) describes his Saturday:
Frank: I told my wife I wouldn't drink tonight. Besides, I got a big day tomorrow. You guys have a great time.
College Student: A big day? Doing what?
Frank: Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time.
Several beer bongs later...
Frank: Do it again. Do it again. It tastes sooo good when it hits your lips.
Well this is totally Kurt and I today. We're laughing at how "ordinary" today has been. We woke up and made some breakfast, hung out with the girls for a bit. Then we did the most dreaded but necessary project ever....we cleaned out the toy closet. This was a MASSIVE undertaking that has left us pretty much spent. We took only one break and that was for lunch at HyVee. After eating we ran to ShopKo to get some totes to organize the primary colored, plastic, noisy mess.
Aside from the beer bongs - we basically had the same day as good ole' Frank!
Looking forward to tonight though - we have a sitter lined up and we're going out for our first date in AGES. Hurrah!
Frank: I told my wife I wouldn't drink tonight. Besides, I got a big day tomorrow. You guys have a great time.
College Student: A big day? Doing what?
Frank: Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time.
Several beer bongs later...
Frank: Do it again. Do it again. It tastes sooo good when it hits your lips.
Well this is totally Kurt and I today. We're laughing at how "ordinary" today has been. We woke up and made some breakfast, hung out with the girls for a bit. Then we did the most dreaded but necessary project ever....we cleaned out the toy closet. This was a MASSIVE undertaking that has left us pretty much spent. We took only one break and that was for lunch at HyVee. After eating we ran to ShopKo to get some totes to organize the primary colored, plastic, noisy mess.
Aside from the beer bongs - we basically had the same day as good ole' Frank!
Looking forward to tonight though - we have a sitter lined up and we're going out for our first date in AGES. Hurrah!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
keeping it alive in 2009
After lots and lots of pursuading (ahem...Rachel) I'm attempting to revive my blog. Attempting is the key word. Who knows if I'll actually get back into the swing of posting regularly after the 7 month hiatus. Time will tell. As for now, it will be my New Years resolution (since I'm already perfect in every other way....ha!). So leave me lots of comments to encourage me, k?
As for now...09 proves to be a rockin' year for the Hoegers. Our New Years Eve was a blast as always. We go to my parents house for a huge family friendly party (complete with a stocked bar for the adults and a pinata for the kiddos). This year Kurt invited his folks and 4 of his nephews and 1 niece to come up and join in the festivities. It was great having them there but I felt bad at the same time. While Kurt got to be 'fun uncle' ("Tonight you can eat as much candy as you want!!") I played the part of bitchy aunt (I came up with this term myself). It was not uncommon for me to say any of the following at any point throughout the night:
"Show me your clean plate and then you can have a cookie."
"Do we stand on the pin ball machine???"
"Take turns...or else nobody gets to play"
Yeah - I'm a serious fun hater. My kids are bound to be boring.
Anyway, New Years Day has been absolutely wonderful. We spent the entire day in jammies (loving that), ate lots of yummy leftovers, played some serious Taboo, napped, and Ella took her first step! I use the term 'first step' loosely. It was probably more like graceful falling, but I think it counts in the baby book!
Over the next week or so I'll try to get some fun holiday pics up (heavens knows I have a ton of them). Until then....Happy New Year (now finish your plate)!
As for now...09 proves to be a rockin' year for the Hoegers. Our New Years Eve was a blast as always. We go to my parents house for a huge family friendly party (complete with a stocked bar for the adults and a pinata for the kiddos). This year Kurt invited his folks and 4 of his nephews and 1 niece to come up and join in the festivities. It was great having them there but I felt bad at the same time. While Kurt got to be 'fun uncle' ("Tonight you can eat as much candy as you want!!") I played the part of bitchy aunt (I came up with this term myself). It was not uncommon for me to say any of the following at any point throughout the night:
"Show me your clean plate and then you can have a cookie."
"Do we stand on the pin ball machine???"
"Take turns...or else nobody gets to play"
Yeah - I'm a serious fun hater. My kids are bound to be boring.
Anyway, New Years Day has been absolutely wonderful. We spent the entire day in jammies (loving that), ate lots of yummy leftovers, played some serious Taboo, napped, and Ella took her first step! I use the term 'first step' loosely. It was probably more like graceful falling, but I think it counts in the baby book!
Over the next week or so I'll try to get some fun holiday pics up (heavens knows I have a ton of them). Until then....Happy New Year (now finish your plate)!
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
loser
Seriously...I'm such a loser.
If you know me in real life, you know that I am RIDICULOUSLY competitive. Like, Monica from friends competitive. I hate losing and have been known to make small children cry when playing a board game (okay that's a bit of an overstatement....but only a small one).
Anyway, so this weekend we went camping for Kurt's birthday (happy birthday babe!) and one afternoon we took the kids down to the play area at the campground. Slides, check. Swings, check. Tetherball....check?
We were all sitting there talking about tetherball and who could beat who when, lo and behold, we decide to play a few games (the adults that is). Next thing you know...we're all in a huge battle of the bravest championship. We're huffing, puffing, and slamming the tetherball like our lives depend on it.
Leading the pack was me. I was seriously playing my heart out/ I was running, I was slamming, I was throwing, I was sweating, but for the life of me...I could NOT win a game. I kept trying and trying...egging everyone on just so that someone else would play against me. But I just. couldn't. win. I was literally dying inside. I HATE to lose.
10 losses later...I gave up. With my tail between my legs I walked back to the camper and pouted the rest of the night.
Monday morning, the next day, I woke up and immediately burst into laughter.
Nearly the entire surface area of my skin on my forearm is covered with bruises. And I mean nasty, black, yellow, blue, and UGLY bruises. Bruises you could only earn through 10 consecutive losses in tetherball.
Seriously, how big of a loser AM I????
I wore a sweatshirt today. The first day it was over 80 degrees and I had to wear a damn sweatshirt to cover my tetherball bruises. Duh.
If you know me in real life, you know that I am RIDICULOUSLY competitive. Like, Monica from friends competitive. I hate losing and have been known to make small children cry when playing a board game (okay that's a bit of an overstatement....but only a small one).
Anyway, so this weekend we went camping for Kurt's birthday (happy birthday babe!) and one afternoon we took the kids down to the play area at the campground. Slides, check. Swings, check. Tetherball....check?
We were all sitting there talking about tetherball and who could beat who when, lo and behold, we decide to play a few games (the adults that is). Next thing you know...we're all in a huge battle of the bravest championship. We're huffing, puffing, and slamming the tetherball like our lives depend on it.
Leading the pack was me. I was seriously playing my heart out/ I was running, I was slamming, I was throwing, I was sweating, but for the life of me...I could NOT win a game. I kept trying and trying...egging everyone on just so that someone else would play against me. But I just. couldn't. win. I was literally dying inside. I HATE to lose.
10 losses later...I gave up. With my tail between my legs I walked back to the camper and pouted the rest of the night.
Monday morning, the next day, I woke up and immediately burst into laughter.
Nearly the entire surface area of my skin on my forearm is covered with bruises. And I mean nasty, black, yellow, blue, and UGLY bruises. Bruises you could only earn through 10 consecutive losses in tetherball.
Seriously, how big of a loser AM I????
I wore a sweatshirt today. The first day it was over 80 degrees and I had to wear a damn sweatshirt to cover my tetherball bruises. Duh.
prayers please
Next Monday we will meet up with Ella's birthmom for the first time since we saw her for the last time in Maryland.
I'm nervous. Excited. Happy. Anxious. A ball of emotions.
Please pray for a good visit for all. I'll be sure to write about it afterwards.
I'm nervous. Excited. Happy. Anxious. A ball of emotions.
Please pray for a good visit for all. I'll be sure to write about it afterwards.
peasnose
Last night, as I was feeding Mary dinner, I overheard her saying, "Mama, MAMA! Peasnose. Peasnose!"
What, Mary? What are you saying?
Peasnose, mama.
Mary, I don't understand,
Peasnose!
Peasnose? Mary....do you have a pea in your nose?
Yeah....
And sure enough...she did! It was up there so far, I could barely see it. Before I had time to panic, instincts kicked in and I covered her vacant nostril and instructed her to 'blow hard!'
She did...and...KERPLUNK...out came the pea, bouncing off her high chair, and rolling across the floor.
I literally died laughing.
Peasnose. What will this kid do next? :)
What, Mary? What are you saying?
Peasnose, mama.
Mary, I don't understand,
Peasnose!
Peasnose? Mary....do you have a pea in your nose?
Yeah....
And sure enough...she did! It was up there so far, I could barely see it. Before I had time to panic, instincts kicked in and I covered her vacant nostril and instructed her to 'blow hard!'
She did...and...KERPLUNK...out came the pea, bouncing off her high chair, and rolling across the floor.
I literally died laughing.
Peasnose. What will this kid do next? :)
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
rub a dub dub dub
Every night is the same...
6:00 we eat dinner.
Done by 6:30 or so.
Clean up the dishes.
Then...it's bath time!!!
Mary is always SO excited to get in the bath tub. She ADORES the tub and would stay in there for hours if we let her. She gets even more excited if she gets to take a bath with her sister.
Here are my little munchkins last week...could that smile get any bigger?!?
6:00 we eat dinner.
Done by 6:30 or so.
Clean up the dishes.
Then...it's bath time!!!
Mary is always SO excited to get in the bath tub. She ADORES the tub and would stay in there for hours if we let her. She gets even more excited if she gets to take a bath with her sister.
Here are my little munchkins last week...could that smile get any bigger?!?
the potty chronicles
Hi, I'm Mary. I'm not sure if you know this, but I'm a pretty "big deal" around here. In fact, ever since I've been doing this whole potty training thing...I've been getting hugs, praise, and M&M's on a regular basis. Mom and Dad would like me to stop sporting the diapers and pull-ups and, although that IS my ultimate goal, I'm gonna take it at my own pace.
Just look...here I am sporting my stylish big girl underwear. Now these aren't those silly pull ups and they're not even those training pants with lots of padding. These are straight up underwear. I like to think I look pretty hot in them. Too bad that just minutes after this picture was taken, I pooped all over them. Mom was less than thrilled. Dad was straight up scared.
But, hey - there are times when I 'make friends' with the potty chair. I prefer going potty with my daddy rather than my mom...not sure why, just the way I like it. Either way, there had better be some candy for me once I deliver!
Sometimes I get bored sitting on that darn potty for so long. I've seen Mom and Dad doing some light reading in the bathroom so I figured I had better get in on the action. Now I either request "amagazine"or I go and get one myself. Lately I've been reading lots of Sports Illustrated. Whatever gets the job done, right?
When it's all said and done, I pop right up and (proudly) show mom or dad my big achievement. They get all excited, give me hugs, and tell me they're sooooooo proud of me. We wash my hands and then "dry, dry, dry." After that - i get my candy! Lucky me!
Just look...here I am sporting my stylish big girl underwear. Now these aren't those silly pull ups and they're not even those training pants with lots of padding. These are straight up underwear. I like to think I look pretty hot in them. Too bad that just minutes after this picture was taken, I pooped all over them. Mom was less than thrilled. Dad was straight up scared.
But, hey - there are times when I 'make friends' with the potty chair. I prefer going potty with my daddy rather than my mom...not sure why, just the way I like it. Either way, there had better be some candy for me once I deliver! Sometimes I get bored sitting on that darn potty for so long. I've seen Mom and Dad doing some light reading in the bathroom so I figured I had better get in on the action. Now I either request "amagazine"or I go and get one myself. Lately I've been reading lots of Sports Illustrated. Whatever gets the job done, right?
When it's all said and done, I pop right up and (proudly) show mom or dad my big achievement. They get all excited, give me hugs, and tell me they're sooooooo proud of me. We wash my hands and then "dry, dry, dry." After that - i get my candy! Lucky me!
Ella's big day!
This post is long overdue!
On March 2 (her birthmom's birthday!) Ella Rose was baptized in Christ. We had a wonderful ceremony after 10 o'clock mass and many of our family and friends were able to make it. Ella is lucky to have her Uncle Steve and Aunt Sarah as her Godparents. After mass we had lunch, cake, etc. at my parents' house.
There was a point after the ceremony when we were taking pictures at the church. After several shots with godparents, grandparents, etc. we decided to grab a shot of just our little family. At that moment - out of nowhere - my heart just welled up with gratitude. I was overcome with emotion. Here we were...a family of four! Four?!?! Kurt holding little Mary on his hip and Ella nestled sweetly in my arms. I couldn't help but stop and think, "Lord what did I do to deserve so much joy?"
Anyway, welcome to the church my baby Ella!
On March 2 (her birthmom's birthday!) Ella Rose was baptized in Christ. We had a wonderful ceremony after 10 o'clock mass and many of our family and friends were able to make it. Ella is lucky to have her Uncle Steve and Aunt Sarah as her Godparents. After mass we had lunch, cake, etc. at my parents' house.
There was a point after the ceremony when we were taking pictures at the church. After several shots with godparents, grandparents, etc. we decided to grab a shot of just our little family. At that moment - out of nowhere - my heart just welled up with gratitude. I was overcome with emotion. Here we were...a family of four! Four?!?! Kurt holding little Mary on his hip and Ella nestled sweetly in my arms. I couldn't help but stop and think, "Lord what did I do to deserve so much joy?"
Anyway, welcome to the church my baby Ella!
Friday, March 14, 2008
perfection
Got up early this morning.
Had time to just hang out with Kurt before he left for work.
Showered and got ready (we have "Totally Toddler class at 8:30).
Poured myself a cup of coffee, sitting on the couch, the sun is rising over my shoulder, the hum of Ella's swing is in the background. Mary is still snoozing upstairs.
Not a care in the world.
Perfection.
Had time to just hang out with Kurt before he left for work.
Showered and got ready (we have "Totally Toddler class at 8:30).
Poured myself a cup of coffee, sitting on the couch, the sun is rising over my shoulder, the hum of Ella's swing is in the background. Mary is still snoozing upstairs.
Not a care in the world.
Perfection.
Monday, February 25, 2008
(love)
If this doesn't make your heart melt, I'm not sure anything could.
Seriously folks - this is my heart for all to see. I would do anything for these girls. Anything. I get a lump in my throat just looking at this picture. I never knew a love that felt like this before. Unconditional, ferocious, overwhelming love.
These are MY valentines.
Seriously folks - this is my heart for all to see. I would do anything for these girls. Anything. I get a lump in my throat just looking at this picture. I never knew a love that felt like this before. Unconditional, ferocious, overwhelming love.
These are MY valentines.
because she deserves some face time too...
I realized that my posts have been sorta "Ella heavy" lately and so I wanted to give some face time to Mary! Below are some of my favorite new pics of her:
For what seems like FOREVER I've been thinking about and waiting for the moment when I had a little daughter who could wear bows in her hair. I adore bows. Seriously, love them. Specifically - these kind of bows. The ones that have a tons of strips of tulle and just look like a big pom-pom. I couldn't WAIT until these fit in Mary's hair. Well last Sunday my wish came true. Look how DARN cute she is!
How funny is she tromping around in her mom's big shoes? I swear I have the same picture from the same age in the same kitchen (as I grew up in this house) doing the same darn thing. I should go dig it up. This girl cracks me up!
She is MIGHTY proud of those big girl underwear that she's sporting! Although we don't wear them every day (depends on my motivation and her cooperation) we do sport lots of pull-ups lately too. She's GROWING up!
For what seems like FOREVER I've been thinking about and waiting for the moment when I had a little daughter who could wear bows in her hair. I adore bows. Seriously, love them. Specifically - these kind of bows. The ones that have a tons of strips of tulle and just look like a big pom-pom. I couldn't WAIT until these fit in Mary's hair. Well last Sunday my wish came true. Look how DARN cute she is!
How funny is she tromping around in her mom's big shoes? I swear I have the same picture from the same age in the same kitchen (as I grew up in this house) doing the same darn thing. I should go dig it up. This girl cracks me up!
She is MIGHTY proud of those big girl underwear that she's sporting! Although we don't wear them every day (depends on my motivation and her cooperation) we do sport lots of pull-ups lately too. She's GROWING up!
the long version (finally!)
If it seems as though I've dropped off the face of the earth lately...it's because I have! Good gravy it's a lot of work with two kids! Don't get me wrong...I wouldn't trade it for the world. It's just veeeeeery busy around these parts.
Anyway....about a thousand years ago I promised the long version of the story. Today...I'm delivering. Here goes:
It was somewhere in the beginning of January when we first became aware of the possibility of Ella. Our social worker e-mailed us to say that there was a birthmother out in Maryland (who was originally from Minnesota and planned on returning here) looking to place with a MN family. She was due on Valentine's Day and the gender was unknown. Were we interested in being chosen? Let me think about that....um, yep!
So we had out profile sent out to the east coast (along with something like 20 other MN waiting families). We figured our odds were slim and so we decided not to hold out breath. We put the whole idea of it on that back burner.
Fast forward to January 11th. This was a Friday and were told that it was on that day that the birthmom would be viewing the profiles. Obviously it was on out mind all weekend long. We went away for Kurt's work party that weekend and when we returned we walked in the door to see that my cousin (who had borrowed our bassinett for the time being) had returned the baby bed. Did you catch that? We walked in the door to find an empty cradle staring us in the face. I looked up, laughed, and bantered, "God - you better not be playing with me!"
The next day, Monday, we found out that our profile was one of four that the birthmom had taken home over the weekend to pray about. OH MY! This was getting serious! We still declined to share much of anything with family and friends, believing that we simply couldn't be this lucky. So we waited to hear. And waited. And waited, and waited, and waited.
Finally, on Thursday January 17th (at 4:30 PM), my phone rang. It was our social worker. Her tone and greeting lead me to believe this was a "too bad, so sad" call. Boy was I wrong! I asked her to repeat herself after she told me, "you've been chosen!"
Tears. Disbelief. A slight bit of panic. Lots of joy.
I got off the phone and tried to reach Kurt (who was out chopping wood). After 3 tries, I gave up. I turned toward Mary (still crying) and scooped her up in a giant hug. "MARY (I screamed) do you want to be a big sister?!?!?" I got a very prompt and loud, "NO!" This would be a theme throughout Ella's first few weeks. :)
Finally I got ahold of Kurt. More tears. More disbelief. More joy.
We invited my family over for dinner to share the news. Everyone was VERY excited.
Throughout the following week I got a few things ready, but not too much. Part of me was still certain that this couldn't all work out in our favor.
On the morning of January 24th Mary and I walked over to mom and dad's to bring Mom some muffins for her birthday. We were just sitting around talking when my phone rang. It was our social worker. Again, my gut instinct was wrong as I thought for certain she was calling to tell us that the birthmom had changed her mind. Instead she was calling to tell us that the birthmom (who has a name by the way....it's Tonya) was going to the hospital...her water had broken!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Tons of phone calls. Crunch time. By 1:00 PM we made the decision to start packing up the van and get our buts out to Maryland. This was really happening and it was happening NOW!
Mom and Dad came over to help watch Mary, wash baby clothes, pack things up. Everyone's hearts were racing.
At 5:30 PM the three of us got in the mini van (not having even looked up directions) punched "Silver Springs, Maryland" into the GPS system and headed east with crazy, dopey grins plastered all over our faces.
We drove through the night. Mary did well, sleeping mostly but watching Baby Einsteen or the Wiggles when necessary. Kurt and I were exhausted.
At 9:00 the next morning (still driving) we heard from Tonya's social worker in Maryland. Baby girl born on 1-24 at 9:37 PM. Healthy and beautiful!
We cried.
Two girls. Two little girls! How did we ever get so lucky?
Right then, we named her Ella Rose. Louella was Kurt's mother's middle name (we shortened it to Ella) and Rose is Tonya's middle name. We gave glory to God.
By noon we had made it to Silver Spring and checked into our hotel, grabbed a quick shower, and headed over to the hospital where we met our new daughter and her mom.
We stayed until 8 PM that night. The social worker said she had never seen a birthmom and an adoptive family "gel" as quickly as we did. It was natural, effortless. We clicked.
Mary was a mess. She pushed every button in that hospital room that she could find. Poor Tonya's bed was going up and down and there were several times that Mary "accidently" called the nurse. Yikes! Tonya didn't miss a beat though. She could tell we were stressed and so she pulled Mary up into bed with her to watch some cartoons so that we could bond with Ella.
Did I mention how great Tonya is?
We kept asking if we should leave. We wanted to respect her time with Ella in the hospital. She said, "it's better to have you here. It makes me feel good to watch you hold her, love her."
So we stayed. And when we left, we made plans to return at 8:00 the next morning.
We spent the whole day there until everyone was discharged at about 3:00.
Parting ways was one of the hardest things I've ever experienced. Bittersweet doesn't describe it. Tonya and I held each other and wept. Sobs and big fat tears. It was honestly so hard. I kept whispering to her, "we're family now. We're family now." She said goodbye to Ella and we drove away.
Tears. Joy with our blessing. Sadness at her grief. Tears.
We got to our hotel just in time for Mary to nap and for Kurt and I to snuggle with our new daughter. It felt so good. Finally, it felt real.
The next day we moved hotels to an 'extended stay' place (much cheaper! thank heavens!).
The following two weeks were much busier than I had anticipated. Kurt's parents came. I had to fly home to photograph my first wedding. My mom flew back out. Kurt went home. We visited with Tonya several times. It was so great to see her each time. I could sense she was slowly healing.
On Wednesday, February 6th we got the call that we were clear to leave Maryland! All the paperwork had gone through and we were free to go home.
Much to my surprise, I wasn't completely overjoyed. I knew that this meant I had to say "goodbye" to Tonya again. This time, it would be goodbye for good (well not really for good, just until she comes back to Minnesota in May). We made plans to go out to dinner that night. After eating we hung out at her place for awhile, prolonging the inevitable.
She kept saying, "I know this what I have to do....what I need to do, but it's still so hard." I reassured her that I believed her, but I didn't dare say "I understand" because I know that I couldn't possibly understand those emotions.
We cried. We hugged. We took pictures. We cried.
I reassured her that she is part of this family now.
Then, we said goodbye. It was hard. So hard.
Mom and I drove back to the hotel, and got things ready to leave.
The next morning, at 5 Am, we packed up my two little girls and headed home.
I couldn't wait to get here. I couldn't wait to fall asleep in our big leather recliner with my daughters snoozing on my lap. I couldn't wait to hug Kurt. I couldn't wait show Ella to my dad and my sisters. I couldn't wait for all of this to become real. The kind of realness that only happens when you're back on your own turf.
We arrived home on Friday, February 8th at 5:00 PM. We were tired. We were exhausted. But, nonetheless, we were home.
Home never felt so good before.
Anyway....about a thousand years ago I promised the long version of the story. Today...I'm delivering. Here goes:
It was somewhere in the beginning of January when we first became aware of the possibility of Ella. Our social worker e-mailed us to say that there was a birthmother out in Maryland (who was originally from Minnesota and planned on returning here) looking to place with a MN family. She was due on Valentine's Day and the gender was unknown. Were we interested in being chosen? Let me think about that....um, yep!
So we had out profile sent out to the east coast (along with something like 20 other MN waiting families). We figured our odds were slim and so we decided not to hold out breath. We put the whole idea of it on that back burner.
Fast forward to January 11th. This was a Friday and were told that it was on that day that the birthmom would be viewing the profiles. Obviously it was on out mind all weekend long. We went away for Kurt's work party that weekend and when we returned we walked in the door to see that my cousin (who had borrowed our bassinett for the time being) had returned the baby bed. Did you catch that? We walked in the door to find an empty cradle staring us in the face. I looked up, laughed, and bantered, "God - you better not be playing with me!"
The next day, Monday, we found out that our profile was one of four that the birthmom had taken home over the weekend to pray about. OH MY! This was getting serious! We still declined to share much of anything with family and friends, believing that we simply couldn't be this lucky. So we waited to hear. And waited. And waited, and waited, and waited.
Finally, on Thursday January 17th (at 4:30 PM), my phone rang. It was our social worker. Her tone and greeting lead me to believe this was a "too bad, so sad" call. Boy was I wrong! I asked her to repeat herself after she told me, "you've been chosen!"
Tears. Disbelief. A slight bit of panic. Lots of joy.
I got off the phone and tried to reach Kurt (who was out chopping wood). After 3 tries, I gave up. I turned toward Mary (still crying) and scooped her up in a giant hug. "MARY (I screamed) do you want to be a big sister?!?!?" I got a very prompt and loud, "NO!" This would be a theme throughout Ella's first few weeks. :)
Finally I got ahold of Kurt. More tears. More disbelief. More joy.
We invited my family over for dinner to share the news. Everyone was VERY excited.
Throughout the following week I got a few things ready, but not too much. Part of me was still certain that this couldn't all work out in our favor.
On the morning of January 24th Mary and I walked over to mom and dad's to bring Mom some muffins for her birthday. We were just sitting around talking when my phone rang. It was our social worker. Again, my gut instinct was wrong as I thought for certain she was calling to tell us that the birthmom had changed her mind. Instead she was calling to tell us that the birthmom (who has a name by the way....it's Tonya) was going to the hospital...her water had broken!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Tons of phone calls. Crunch time. By 1:00 PM we made the decision to start packing up the van and get our buts out to Maryland. This was really happening and it was happening NOW!
Mom and Dad came over to help watch Mary, wash baby clothes, pack things up. Everyone's hearts were racing.
At 5:30 PM the three of us got in the mini van (not having even looked up directions) punched "Silver Springs, Maryland" into the GPS system and headed east with crazy, dopey grins plastered all over our faces.
We drove through the night. Mary did well, sleeping mostly but watching Baby Einsteen or the Wiggles when necessary. Kurt and I were exhausted.
At 9:00 the next morning (still driving) we heard from Tonya's social worker in Maryland. Baby girl born on 1-24 at 9:37 PM. Healthy and beautiful!
We cried.
Two girls. Two little girls! How did we ever get so lucky?
Right then, we named her Ella Rose. Louella was Kurt's mother's middle name (we shortened it to Ella) and Rose is Tonya's middle name. We gave glory to God.
By noon we had made it to Silver Spring and checked into our hotel, grabbed a quick shower, and headed over to the hospital where we met our new daughter and her mom.
We stayed until 8 PM that night. The social worker said she had never seen a birthmom and an adoptive family "gel" as quickly as we did. It was natural, effortless. We clicked.
Mary was a mess. She pushed every button in that hospital room that she could find. Poor Tonya's bed was going up and down and there were several times that Mary "accidently" called the nurse. Yikes! Tonya didn't miss a beat though. She could tell we were stressed and so she pulled Mary up into bed with her to watch some cartoons so that we could bond with Ella.
Did I mention how great Tonya is?
We kept asking if we should leave. We wanted to respect her time with Ella in the hospital. She said, "it's better to have you here. It makes me feel good to watch you hold her, love her."
So we stayed. And when we left, we made plans to return at 8:00 the next morning.
We spent the whole day there until everyone was discharged at about 3:00.
Parting ways was one of the hardest things I've ever experienced. Bittersweet doesn't describe it. Tonya and I held each other and wept. Sobs and big fat tears. It was honestly so hard. I kept whispering to her, "we're family now. We're family now." She said goodbye to Ella and we drove away.
Tears. Joy with our blessing. Sadness at her grief. Tears.
We got to our hotel just in time for Mary to nap and for Kurt and I to snuggle with our new daughter. It felt so good. Finally, it felt real.
The next day we moved hotels to an 'extended stay' place (much cheaper! thank heavens!).
The following two weeks were much busier than I had anticipated. Kurt's parents came. I had to fly home to photograph my first wedding. My mom flew back out. Kurt went home. We visited with Tonya several times. It was so great to see her each time. I could sense she was slowly healing.
On Wednesday, February 6th we got the call that we were clear to leave Maryland! All the paperwork had gone through and we were free to go home.
Much to my surprise, I wasn't completely overjoyed. I knew that this meant I had to say "goodbye" to Tonya again. This time, it would be goodbye for good (well not really for good, just until she comes back to Minnesota in May). We made plans to go out to dinner that night. After eating we hung out at her place for awhile, prolonging the inevitable.
She kept saying, "I know this what I have to do....what I need to do, but it's still so hard." I reassured her that I believed her, but I didn't dare say "I understand" because I know that I couldn't possibly understand those emotions.
We cried. We hugged. We took pictures. We cried.
I reassured her that she is part of this family now.
Then, we said goodbye. It was hard. So hard.
Mom and I drove back to the hotel, and got things ready to leave.
The next morning, at 5 Am, we packed up my two little girls and headed home.
I couldn't wait to get here. I couldn't wait to fall asleep in our big leather recliner with my daughters snoozing on my lap. I couldn't wait to hug Kurt. I couldn't wait show Ella to my dad and my sisters. I couldn't wait for all of this to become real. The kind of realness that only happens when you're back on your own turf.
We arrived home on Friday, February 8th at 5:00 PM. We were tired. We were exhausted. But, nonetheless, we were home.
Home never felt so good before.
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