Just One Big Happy Family

my sweet Ella Rose

2009-01-25T15:12:00.002-05:00

One year ago, just about at this exact hour, I first laid eyes on you in a cold hospital room in the middle of Maryland. I was tired and weary after a whirlwind 16 hour journey through the night to meet you. You were sleepy and exhausted, not even 12 hours old. Through the emotional fog that hovered in that room, your bright blue eyes locked on mine and melted my heart and from that moment on...I was totally, overwhelmingly in love with you.

I'll never forget how sweet it was to hold you for the first time and how much I just wanted to unwrap that blanket, strip off that hat, and stare at every inch of you so that I could memorize your whole being. I was torn between holding you tight to my body so that I could feel your heart beating and laying you across my lap so that I could stare at you for hours. You bonded to be me instantly, and secretly I loved that you desired...demanded...to be held by me for the majority of your first year of life. You see, your mama would do anything for you, baby girl.

Yesterday we celebrated your first birthday. Today is our anniversary of meeting you. What lucky fools we all are to have each other.

Happy Birthday, sweet Ella Rose. God bless you today, tomorrow, and always.

moms say the darndest things

2009-01-22T12:49:00.004-05:00

It's funny what comes out of your mouth when you stay at home all day with two toddlers. Just now as I was on lunch duty with the munchkids I laughed out loud at myself.

Mary's highchair is right next to the place where we drop assorted mail and newspapers (bad choice of location, I think). Feeling distracted and unwilling to eat she was grabbing for yesterday's unread newspaper. The conversation went a little something like this.

"Mommy! Mommy! This is Barack Obama"

"Yes Mary, that is Barack Obama." (thinking I should make this a teachable moment) "He is the new president of our country. We really hope he does a very good job."

"Yes, he needs to do good job. Ella needs to do good job too."

(and the next sentence is where I laughed out loud at myself)

"Okay Mary, that's enough. Put Barack Obama down and eat your macaroni."

Okay...maybe you just had to be here.

please God...no

2009-01-17T15:03:00.001-05:00

Finally Mary is taking a nap.

The past two days she has declined. Not in a crabby way. Not in a crying way. Just in a..."mom...I seriously am not tired. Can we just get over this?" kind of a way.

I am NOT ready for her to be done with naps. She's too young. And I'm too nap-dependent.

Praying that this is just a blip.

date update (that sounds funny)

2009-01-08T13:38:00.003-05:00

We had to cancel our date on the night it was originally planned (bad roads - sitter backed out).

BUT - we were able to have a pseudo-date the next night. We actually needed to run a bunch of errands and so we made that into a date-ish sort of activity. Mom watched the kiddos and we ran to LaCrosse. No cell phones, no Tammy working on the laptop, just us. Talking. Gabbing. It was great. Then we ran to Sam's Club, Target, Kohls, and Toys R Us (my hubby is good to me) before settling in for dinner at Applebees. It's amazing how NICE it is to just have dinner with my man. No kids - just us for about 45 minutes. It was great!

We so need to make this a priority! Any ideas for our next outing (perhaps something a little less...ordinary)?

what do you YOU use?

2009-01-08T13:36:00.003-05:00

My laptop screen is dirty. I mean FILTHY. Grubby baby hands have been smeared all over it. I'm scared to clean it because I don't want my screen to go wonky or anything like that. Any advice? Anyone? Bueller?

the stuff that marriage is made of

2009-01-03T17:09:00.002-05:00

You know that scene in Old School where Will Ferrel's character (Frank) describes his Saturday:

Frank: I told my wife I wouldn't drink tonight. Besides, I got a big day tomorrow. You guys have a great time.

College Student: A big day? Doing what?

Frank: Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time.

Several beer bongs later...

Frank: Do it again. Do it again. It tastes sooo good when it hits your lips.

Well this is totally Kurt and I today. We're laughing at how "ordinary" today has been. We woke up and made some breakfast, hung out with the girls for a bit. Then we did the most dreaded but necessary project ever....we cleaned out the toy closet. This was a MASSIVE undertaking that has left us pretty much spent. We took only one break and that was for lunch at HyVee. After eating we ran to ShopKo to get some totes to organize the primary colored, plastic, noisy mess.

Aside from the beer bongs - we basically had the same day as good ole' Frank!

Looking forward to tonight though - we have a sitter lined up and we're going out for our first date in AGES. Hurrah!

keeping it alive in 2009

2009-01-01T20:22:00.002-05:00

After lots and lots of pursuading (ahem...Rachel) I'm attempting to revive my blog. Attempting is the key word. Who knows if I'll actually get back into the swing of posting regularly after the 7 month hiatus. Time will tell. As for now, it will be my New Years resolution (since I'm already perfect in every other way....ha!). So leave me lots of comments to encourage me, k?

As for now...09 proves to be a rockin' year for the Hoegers. Our New Years Eve was a blast as always. We go to my parents house for a huge family friendly party (complete with a stocked bar for the adults and a pinata for the kiddos). This year Kurt invited his folks and 4 of his nephews and 1 niece to come up and join in the festivities. It was great having them there but I felt bad at the same time. While Kurt got to be 'fun uncle' ("Tonight you can eat as much candy as you want!!") I played the part of bitchy aunt (I came up with this term myself). It was not uncommon for me to say any of the following at any point throughout the night:

"Show me your clean plate and then you can have a cookie."
"Do we stand on the pin ball machine???"
"Take turns...or else nobody gets to play"

Yeah - I'm a serious fun hater. My kids are bound to be boring.

Anyway, New Years Day has been absolutely wonderful. We spent the entire day in jammies (loving that), ate lots of yummy leftovers, played some serious Taboo, napped, and Ella took her first step! I use the term 'first step' loosely. It was probably more like graceful falling, but I think it counts in the baby book!

Over the next week or so I'll try to get some fun holiday pics up (heavens knows I have a ton of them). Until then....Happy New Year (now finish your plate)!

loser

2008-05-07T00:07:00.002-04:00

Seriously...I'm such a loser.

If you know me in real life, you know that I am RIDICULOUSLY competitive. Like, Monica from friends competitive. I hate losing and have been known to make small children cry when playing a board game (okay that's a bit of an overstatement....but only a small one).

Anyway, so this weekend we went camping for Kurt's birthday (happy birthday babe!) and one afternoon we took the kids down to the play area at the campground. Slides, check. Swings, check. Tetherball....check?

We were all sitting there talking about tetherball and who could beat who when, lo and behold, we decide to play a few games (the adults that is). Next thing you know...we're all in a huge battle of the bravest championship. We're huffing, puffing, and slamming the tetherball like our lives depend on it.

Leading the pack was me. I was seriously playing my heart out/ I was running, I was slamming, I was throwing, I was sweating, but for the life of me...I could NOT win a game. I kept trying and trying...egging everyone on just so that someone else would play against me. But I just. couldn't. win. I was literally dying inside. I HATE to lose.

10 losses later...I gave up. With my tail between my legs I walked back to the camper and pouted the rest of the night.

Monday morning, the next day, I woke up and immediately burst into laughter.

Nearly the entire surface area of my skin on my forearm is covered with bruises. And I mean nasty, black, yellow, blue, and UGLY bruises. Bruises you could only earn through 10 consecutive losses in tetherball.

Seriously, how big of a loser AM I????

I wore a sweatshirt today. The first day it was over 80 degrees and I had to wear a damn sweatshirt to cover my tetherball bruises. Duh.

prayers please

2008-05-07T00:04:00.002-04:00

Next Monday we will meet up with Ella's birthmom for the first time since we saw her for the last time in Maryland.

I'm nervous. Excited. Happy. Anxious. A ball of emotions.

Please pray for a good visit for all. I'll be sure to write about it afterwards.

peasnose

2008-05-07T00:00:00.002-04:00

Last night, as I was feeding Mary dinner, I overheard her saying, "Mama, MAMA! Peasnose. Peasnose!"

What, Mary? What are you saying?

Peasnose, mama.

Mary, I don't understand,

Peasnose!

Peasnose? Mary....do you have a pea in your nose?

Yeah....

And sure enough...she did! It was up there so far, I could barely see it. Before I had time to panic, instincts kicked in and I covered her vacant nostril and instructed her to 'blow hard!'

She did...and...KERPLUNK...out came the pea, bouncing off her high chair, and rolling across the floor.

I literally died laughing.

Peasnose. What will this kid do next? :)

rub a dub dub dub

2008-04-01T23:22:00.002-04:00

Every night is the same...

6:00 we eat dinner.
Done by 6:30 or so.
Clean up the dishes.
Then...it's bath time!!!

Mary is always SO excited to get in the bath tub. She ADORES the tub and would stay in there for hours if we let her. She gets even more excited if she gets to take a bath with her sister.

Here are my little munchkins last week...could that smile get any bigger?!?

the potty chronicles

2008-04-01T22:58:00.003-04:00

Hi, I'm Mary. I'm not sure if you know this, but I'm a pretty "big deal" around here. In fact, ever since I've been doing this whole potty training thing...I've been getting hugs, praise, and M&M's on a regular basis. Mom and Dad would like me to stop sporting the diapers and pull-ups and, although that IS my ultimate goal, I'm gonna take it at my own pace.

Just look...here I am sporting my stylish big girl underwear. Now these aren't those silly pull ups and they're not even those training pants with lots of padding. These are straight up underwear. I like to think I look pretty hot in them. Too bad that just minutes after this picture was taken, I pooped all over them. Mom was less than thrilled. Dad was straight up scared.But, hey - there are times when I 'make friends' with the potty chair. I prefer going potty with my daddy rather than my mom...not sure why, just the way I like it. Either way, there had better be some candy for me once I deliver!
Sometimes I get bored sitting on that darn potty for so long. I've seen Mom and Dad doing some light reading in the bathroom so I figured I had better get in on the action. Now I either request "amagazine"or I go and get one myself. Lately I've been reading lots of Sports Illustrated. Whatever gets the job done, right?

When it's all said and done, I pop right up and (proudly) show mom or dad my big achievement. They get all excited, give me hugs, and tell me they're sooooooo proud of me. We wash my hands and then "dry, dry, dry." After that - i get my candy! Lucky me!

a couple more shots

2008-04-01T22:54:00.003-04:00

My little girl in her beautiful gown!

Ella's big day!

2008-04-01T13:50:00.002-04:00

This post is long overdue!
On March 2 (her birthmom's birthday!) Ella Rose was baptized in Christ. We had a wonderful ceremony after 10 o'clock mass and many of our family and friends were able to make it. Ella is lucky to have her Uncle Steve and Aunt Sarah as her Godparents. After mass we had lunch, cake, etc. at my parents' house.

There was a point after the ceremony when we were taking pictures at the church. After several shots with godparents, grandparents, etc. we decided to grab a shot of just our little family. At that moment - out of nowhere - my heart just welled up with gratitude. I was overcome with emotion. Here we were...a family of four! Four?!?! Kurt holding little Mary on his hip and Ella nestled sweetly in my arms. I couldn't help but stop and think, "Lord what did I do to deserve so much joy?"

Anyway, welcome to the church my baby Ella!

perfection

2008-03-14T07:56:00.003-05:00

Got up early this morning.

Had time to just hang out with Kurt before he left for work.

Showered and got ready (we have "Totally Toddler class at 8:30).

Poured myself a cup of coffee, sitting on the couch, the sun is rising over my shoulder, the hum of Ella's swing is in the background. Mary is still snoozing upstairs.

Not a care in the world.

Perfection.

(love)

2008-02-25T18:12:00.003-05:00

If this doesn't make your heart melt, I'm not sure anything could.

Seriously folks - this is my heart for all to see. I would do anything for these girls. Anything. I get a lump in my throat just looking at this picture. I never knew a love that felt like this before. Unconditional, ferocious, overwhelming love.

These are MY valentines.

beautiful baby girl

2008-02-25T18:10:00.000-05:00

Oh my little Ella...you're growing too fast.

my three favorite people

2008-02-25T18:09:00.000-05:00

because she deserves some face time too...

2008-02-25T17:51:00.004-05:00

I realized that my posts have been sorta "Ella heavy" lately and so I wanted to give some face time to Mary! Below are some of my favorite new pics of her:

For what seems like FOREVER I've been thinking about and waiting for the moment when I had a little daughter who could wear bows in her hair. I adore bows. Seriously, love them. Specifically - these kind of bows. The ones that have a tons of strips of tulle and just look like a big pom-pom. I couldn't WAIT until these fit in Mary's hair. Well last Sunday my wish came true. Look how DARN cute she is! How funny is she tromping around in her mom's big shoes? I swear I have the same picture from the same age in the same kitchen (as I grew up in this house) doing the same darn thing. I should go dig it up. This girl cracks me up!

She is MIGHTY proud of those big girl underwear that she's sporting! Although we don't wear them every day (depends on my motivation and her cooperation) we do sport lots of pull-ups lately too. She's GROWING up!

the long version (finally!)

2008-02-25T13:31:00.003-05:00

If it seems as though I've dropped off the face of the earth lately...it's because I have! Good gravy it's a lot of work with two kids! Don't get me wrong...I wouldn't trade it for the world. It's just veeeeeery busy around these parts.

Anyway....about a thousand years ago I promised the long version of the story. Today...I'm delivering. Here goes:

It was somewhere in the beginning of January when we first became aware of the possibility of Ella. Our social worker e-mailed us to say that there was a birthmother out in Maryland (who was originally from Minnesota and planned on returning here) looking to place with a MN family. She was due on Valentine's Day and the gender was unknown. Were we interested in being chosen? Let me think about that....um, yep!

So we had out profile sent out to the east coast (along with something like 20 other MN waiting families). We figured our odds were slim and so we decided not to hold out breath. We put the whole idea of it on that back burner.

Fast forward to January 11th. This was a Friday and were told that it was on that day that the birthmom would be viewing the profiles. Obviously it was on out mind all weekend long. We went away for Kurt's work party that weekend and when we returned we walked in the door to see that my cousin (who had borrowed our bassinett for the time being) had returned the baby bed. Did you catch that? We walked in the door to find an empty cradle staring us in the face. I looked up, laughed, and bantered, "God - you better not be playing with me!"

The next day, Monday, we found out that our profile was one of four that the birthmom had taken home over the weekend to pray about. OH MY! This was getting serious! We still declined to share much of anything with family and friends, believing that we simply couldn't be this lucky. So we waited to hear. And waited. And waited, and waited, and waited.

Finally, on Thursday January 17th (at 4:30 PM), my phone rang. It was our social worker. Her tone and greeting lead me to believe this was a "too bad, so sad" call. Boy was I wrong! I asked her to repeat herself after she told me, "you've been chosen!"

Tears. Disbelief. A slight bit of panic. Lots of joy.

I got off the phone and tried to reach Kurt (who was out chopping wood). After 3 tries, I gave up. I turned toward Mary (still crying) and scooped her up in a giant hug. "MARY (I screamed) do you want to be a big sister?!?!?" I got a very prompt and loud, "NO!" This would be a theme throughout Ella's first few weeks. :)

Finally I got ahold of Kurt. More tears. More disbelief. More joy.

We invited my family over for dinner to share the news. Everyone was VERY excited.

Throughout the following week I got a few things ready, but not too much. Part of me was still certain that this couldn't all work out in our favor.

On the morning of January 24th Mary and I walked over to mom and dad's to bring Mom some muffins for her birthday. We were just sitting around talking when my phone rang. It was our social worker. Again, my gut instinct was wrong as I thought for certain she was calling to tell us that the birthmom had changed her mind. Instead she was calling to tell us that the birthmom (who has a name by the way....it's Tonya) was going to the hospital...her water had broken!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Tons of phone calls. Crunch time. By 1:00 PM we made the decision to start packing up the van and get our buts out to Maryland. This was really happening and it was happening NOW!

Mom and Dad came over to help watch Mary, wash baby clothes, pack things up. Everyone's hearts were racing.

At 5:30 PM the three of us got in the mini van (not having even looked up directions) punched "Silver Springs, Maryland" into the GPS system and headed east with crazy, dopey grins plastered all over our faces.

We drove through the night. Mary did well, sleeping mostly but watching Baby Einsteen or the Wiggles when necessary. Kurt and I were exhausted.

At 9:00 the next morning (still driving) we heard from Tonya's social worker in Maryland. Baby girl born on 1-24 at 9:37 PM. Healthy and beautiful!

We cried.

Two girls. Two little girls! How did we ever get so lucky?

Right then, we named her Ella Rose. Louella was Kurt's mother's middle name (we shortened it to Ella) and Rose is Tonya's middle name. We gave glory to God.

By noon we had made it to Silver Spring and checked into our hotel, grabbed a quick shower, and headed over to the hospital where we met our new daughter and her mom.

We stayed until 8 PM that night. The social worker said she had never seen a birthmom and an adoptive family "gel" as quickly as we did. It was natural, effortless. We clicked.

Mary was a mess. She pushed every button in that hospital room that she could find. Poor Tonya's bed was going up and down and there were several times that Mary "accidently" called the nurse. Yikes! Tonya didn't miss a beat though. She could tell we were stressed and so she pulled Mary up into bed with her to watch some cartoons so that we could bond with Ella.

Did I mention how great Tonya is?

We kept asking if we should leave. We wanted to respect her time with Ella in the hospital. She said, "it's better to have you here. It makes me feel good to watch you hold her, love her."

So we stayed. And when we left, we made plans to return at 8:00 the next morning.

We spent the whole day there until everyone was discharged at about 3:00.

Parting ways was one of the hardest things I've ever experienced. Bittersweet doesn't describe it. Tonya and I held each other and wept. Sobs and big fat tears. It was honestly so hard. I kept whispering to her, "we're family now. We're family now." She said goodbye to Ella and we drove away.

Tears. Joy with our blessing. Sadness at her grief. Tears.

We got to our hotel just in time for Mary to nap and for Kurt and I to snuggle with our new daughter. It felt so good. Finally, it felt real.

The next day we moved hotels to an 'extended stay' place (much cheaper! thank heavens!).
The following two weeks were much busier than I had anticipated. Kurt's parents came. I had to fly home to photograph my first wedding. My mom flew back out. Kurt went home. We visited with Tonya several times. It was so great to see her each time. I could sense she was slowly healing.

On Wednesday, February 6th we got the call that we were clear to leave Maryland! All the paperwork had gone through and we were free to go home.

Much to my surprise, I wasn't completely overjoyed. I knew that this meant I had to say "goodbye" to Tonya again. This time, it would be goodbye for good (well not really for good, just until she comes back to Minnesota in May). We made plans to go out to dinner that night. After eating we hung out at her place for awhile, prolonging the inevitable.

She kept saying, "I know this what I have to do....what I need to do, but it's still so hard." I reassured her that I believed her, but I didn't dare say "I understand" because I know that I couldn't possibly understand those emotions.

We cried. We hugged. We took pictures. We cried.

I reassured her that she is part of this family now.

Then, we said goodbye. It was hard. So hard.

Mom and I drove back to the hotel, and got things ready to leave.

The next morning, at 5 Am, we packed up my two little girls and headed home.

I couldn't wait to get here. I couldn't wait to fall asleep in our big leather recliner with my daughters snoozing on my lap. I couldn't wait to hug Kurt. I couldn't wait show Ella to my dad and my sisters. I couldn't wait for all of this to become real. The kind of realness that only happens when you're back on your own turf.

We arrived home on Friday, February 8th at 5:00 PM. We were tired. We were exhausted. But, nonetheless, we were home.

Home never felt so good before.

worth a thousand words

2008-02-25T13:19:00.003-05:00

I just can't stop taking pictures of this little girl. She's crawled right into my heart and made a little home there.

Here she is posing with the blanket that he biological grandma made her.

I took this one in the hotel in Maryland. Talk about being creative! I stole the coffee table from the lobby and just went to town. Can you tell I was going nuts out there (wishing I were back home to use my studio set up!)?

Cold Turkey

2008-02-25T13:18:00.001-05:00

Day one of the "no more binkies" brigade is in full swing.

Just put Mary down for a nap sans pacifier.

Strangely enough....no fussing. Maybe she's more ready to be done with it than we thought?

I'll be sure to update you on the progress.

big events

2008-02-07T12:46:00.000-05:00

1. We're currently on our way home!!! We got the call that we could leave Maryland yesterday afternoon and we took off this morning at 5 AM. We're not expecting to roll into town until tomorrow afternoon (taking it real slow with the little girlies) but we're making steps in that direction!

2. Mary pooped on the potty!!!! We stopped in Ohio to see my sister (she's here with her bball team) and we were just hanging out in the hotel room. All of a sudden she tells me she has to go poopie and so I plopped her up there...wouldn't you know it - she did!!! I'm so proud of her! We went right to the candy machine and got her a treat.

So all in all...not a bad day for our little family. :)

I'll be sure to write more when I get home...

Observations

2008-02-05T15:00:00.000-05:00

First, I promise the full story is forthcoming...I'm still just waiting for a few uninterrupted moments so that I can write it all down. Of course, as the mother of two I could be waiting quite awhile. Anyway...for now you get some recent observations:

- Ella hiccups. A lot! Like, all the time. Sometimes she hiccups so much that she gets ticked off and starts whining. It's kinda cute.

- Mary is now huge. Seriously. Since we got Ella, Mary has grown four feet and gained 40 lbs (or so it seemed). Kurt now calls her "horse." It cracks me up.

- Ella has seemed to loose that newborn look already! I can't believe my eyes, she's already filling out.

- Mary can now count to ten. But sometimes she just likes to say "one - two - three - CORNER!" (Perhaps we're disciplining too much??) :)

- Ella eats like a mad woman. When Mary was 1.5 weeks old we did the happy dance if she ate 1.5 ounces. On the other hand, we cut Ella off at 3 (Lord only knows how much she would eat if we let her!).

- Mary is still not thrilled with the new chick in town. She refuses to say her name (unless we bribe her) and she can be seen most often throwing fits, screaming, crying, or testing every limit I have. This morning she spit chewed up apples all over me. Evidently being a big sister was not on her agenda.

One final observation...

We're all ready to come home! Can't wait until everything clears and we can bring this little family home!

More later....

the short version

2008-01-29T09:37:00.000-05:00

More to come...I promise! But here's the important news: we're now a family of four!!!

On Thursday, January 24 we got the call that our second child was about to be born! The birthmom that had chosen us to be the adoptive parents of her little one was in labor so we (quickly) packed up the mini van and headed out east to Maryland (where we'll be for the next few weeks).

The next day we got to meet our baby girl: Ella Rose!

Here's a few sneak peek pics - I plan on taking more today and then writing out all the details as well. For now, I think I need to go snuggle this little girlie and love her up!

not a fluke, afterall?

2008-01-22T18:06:00.000-05:00

Potty in the potty chair again last night. This time Kurt got to see it happen. Is our little girl growing up? I think so!

And not a minute too soon, either. More on that later.

hello potty!

2008-01-15T08:50:00.001-05:00

Yesterday morning Mary was eating candy by 7:30 am.

Yeah - that's right, I gave my 1.5 year old candy before the general public is even at work.

You see....I had to. I made a promise.

"Mary, if you go potty in the potty chair...momma will give you some candy"

And, lo and behold, she did!

We've seen no more potty since (well, we've seen pleanty --- it's just all in the diaper). Perhaps it was a fluke. But at 7:30 yesterday morning...you couldn't have found a more proud mom or a more satisfied little girl.

As a side note...we've just recently decided to try to get things going with the potty chair in our house. On Monday night, right before bath time, I tried to get Mary to "go." She was not interested at all so I thought maybe I would have her just hang out naked for a bit (only on the tile floor) and eventually I could get her to go. I was explaining my theory to Kurt (who thought I was nuts) when we heard Mary banging around in the bathroom.

"Come on out here Mary," I said

The little girl listened, and came out the door of the bathroom. Standing in the hallway.

Just joking, Kurt said, "yeah...Mary, don't be in the bathroom. Just pee on the floor"

And wouldn't you know it...right on cue, she did just that. All. over. the. floor.

At least she was listening, right?

Her first date

2008-01-15T08:42:00.000-05:00

This past weekend we had Kurt's work Christmas Party, which was an overnight at a Casino about an hour away (so fun!). Needless to say, we couldn't take Mary so we left her with my parents. Well as it happens, they were off to Green Bay for the weekend to visit my sister. So, both my parents, Mary, my oldest sister and her twin boys loaded up the mini-van and headed northeast on Friday night.

Not two hours after they left, my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Yeah, it's mom. Just wanted to let you know that your daughter is officially on her first date."

HUH????

Evidently they buckled Clayton and Mary next to each other in the backseat. These two just adore each other and they figured (correctly so) that they could keep each other entertained during the looooooooong car ride. As added entertainment, I let them bring our new in-car DVD player so they could pop in a movie.

As it turns out, my parents turned around the find Clayton and Mary snuggled under a blanket together - HOLDING HANDS - and watching the movie. Her very first drive-in movie date! :) I guess the story only continued to get more funny as Clayton would occasionally do the yawn, strech, and put my arm around my girlfriend move that is soooo suave. And to top it off, when Clayton got tired he laid his head near Mary's lap where she instinctively rubbed it.

These two crack me up!

I (heart) the return line

2007-12-21T08:54:00.000-05:00

I've noticed a pattern of behavior lately, particularly in my clothes shopping habbits.

You see, now that I have a full blown toddler (with opinions of her own and a loud mouth with which she can voice them) shopping for clothes has become....difficult.

Let's say I'm roaming the aisles of Target when lo-and-behold I fiind the perfect shirt. I love the shirt. I want the shirt. I need the shirt. Just for the record, the shirt is more than likely black (as that's basically all I wear!). :)

Well, at this point I have two choices:

1. Pick out two different sizes of the magical black shirt and go try them on the nearest dressing room so I can make an educated choice on weather or not the shirt needs to grace my wardrobe.

2. Hold the shirt up to my body (which, of course, is already cloaked in a bulky sweatshirt and a puffy coat) and (quickly) decide which one to throw in the cart before Little Miss Mary grows impatient with my decision making process.

Normally, I choose number 2. You see, I seriously fear getting her out of the cart to head into the dressing rooms. I just KNOW that the minute I take my clothes off, she'll escape under the door and go running into home electronics. I have this total mental image of me flailing through Target, wearing only my unmentionables, searching frantically for my giggling daughter.

And so it goes that I spend a great deal of my days in the return aisle...taking back this shirt or these jearns that were too big or too small.

All because my daughter CLEARLY wears the pants in this relationship.

Not just for grown-ups...anymore.

2007-12-11T08:00:00.000-05:00

It's 7:oo AM

Mary is sitting in her high chair, being crabby. Sassy. Ugh.

I ask her, "Mary...what do you want? How can I help you???"

She looks at me, then bellers "I want some!!!"

"Some what?"

"PIZZA!"

How could I not laugh? Evidently cold pizza is the breakfast for champions in the kids market too! :)

And so my day begins....

today

2007-11-08T09:51:00.000-05:00

Today is my birthday.

Today I am 28 years old.

Today...right now actually...I am sitting on the bathroom floor with my new laptop resting on my legs while my little girl splashes in the bath just a few feet away.

Today...unlike last year at this time...I am a stay-at-home mom, pseudo photographer, and professional grocery getter.

Today I am sipping coffee, wearing sweats, and sporting an uncombed hair-do at 9 in the morning.

Today I am half the age of my 56 year old father.

Today I am right where I am supposed to be.

Today I am thankful for all the gifts I've been given and the life I've been able to lead.

Today is my birthday.

lifestyles of the rich and famous

2007-11-06T18:27:00.000-05:00

Mary has a DKNY coat.

I'm not even sure that I know what DKNY stands for. In fact, I'm certain that I have no idea.

But, nonetheless, she has a DKNY coat.

I bought it at a rummage sale for $6.00. I think I'll resell it on ebay when she's done with it. I wonder how much I'll get?

Did I mention that my daughter has a DKNY coat.

My daughter is french

2007-11-06T18:25:00.000-05:00

Seriously...I think Mary's french.

Lately, out of nowhere, she's taken up this french accent. Whenever I tell her "no!" (for example if she's getting into the cupboards" she'll turn around, shake her finger at the cupboards, and say....

"no, no...be-be" (as in "no, no baby" but with this crazy french accent).

What is THIS all about????

As Requested....HALLOWEEN!

2007-11-06T16:31:00.000-05:00

So I'm a bit behind the matter, but you know I was going to do some obligatory Halloween pics eventually!

This year my little munchkin went trick or treating as a Bumble Bee! It's rather interesting how she came to aquire the costume this year. I was visiting my very put-together friend Rachel in August (yes, I said August) when she asked me what Mary was going to be for Halloween?

Huh? Are you serious?

She confirmed that she was, indeed, serious and that most costumes fly off the shelf early and I had better get thinking about it (her little pirate is just two weeks younger than Mary so she keeps me on my toes). So that very night we got on line and began looking at costumes, deciding on the bumble bee. I wasn't sold on forking over $25 dollars just yet, so I just filed the idea in the back of my noggin for future use.

The very next morning we got up bright and early to go garage sale shopping (because mamma love a deal!). Well wouldn't you know it...and the most ghetto garage sale we visited I discover a virtually brand new bumble bee costume for.....get this....FIFTY CENTS!!!! How could I resist?
So I scooped it up, bought it, and come October 31st I had the cutest little bee you ever did see!

She actually REALLY got into trick-or-treating (for a 17 month old). She was very polite with her "thank you's" but man did she take her time picking candy out! It was so much fun!

Naughty Wal-Mart

2007-11-06T13:31:00.000-05:00

Seriously...what do they put in the air in that place?

Last night I loaded Mary up and took her to Wal-Mart so that I could get some groceries and such (looooooong overdue on groceries). Walking into the store I had a time limit in my head, "I want to be out of here in 30 minutes or less."

YEAH RIGHT!

So they're playing the Christmas music (all my favorites) and they've got all their Christmas things out (I love looking at decorations and even those little gift sets they have this time of year). All of a sudden I feel my pace slowing, I'm lingering longer. In no time at all I find myself thinking, "Oooooh....it would be fun to just walk the aisles and see what I can find."

WHAT??? How did that happen? I had an agenda!

Seriously...I think they have some sort of magic "buy lots of stuff" potion that they pipe into the air ducts.

Anyone else buying into my conspiracy theory?

Morning surprise

2007-10-19T13:50:00.000-04:00

You know how it is when you first wake up in the morning. You can't really see yet and you sorta stumble for a minute or two before your body is actually with it. Well, it is in those half awake moments when I greet my early riser daughter.

Yesterday morning was no exception. She fussed, I woke, she beckoned, I went to get her from her crib.

I walk in, still dazed, and greeted her. She seemed to be preoccupied with her finger. Holding it out, staring at it, pointing to it. In Mary-speak, this normally means she has an owie. I figured it was a hangnail or something of the sort.

I obliged her, saying, "Oh sweetie...does Mary have an owie? Momma kiss it? Momma make it better?"

This must have been what she was hoping for because she instantly stuck her owied finger up to me, so that I could give it a peck with my healing mama-magic.

And so I did. In my sleepy haze, I leaned down and touched my lips to her sweet little finger.

And it was at that moment that I felt the monstrous, wet booger that had been residing on the end of her fingertip attach itself to my mouth.

And so begins another day in this crazy life of mine.

Bad blogger...

2007-10-17T14:16:00.000-04:00

Man, I've been bad at keeping up with this lately. The problem is that I think of about 37 different blog topics a day...and then they just never seem to make it to the computer screen. Ah well....

All is good here. I've been very busy with the business which is fun (who wouldn't love getting paid to take pictures of cute little munchkins?) but tiring as well. I'm actually quite excited as I look ahead to next week when I have no appointments. Time for some quality mother-daughter bonding, I think.

Mary is good. She still knocks my socks off with her braininess. The other day she was walking around the house going like this:

"Blhhdhd" (pretend that's a stick your tongue out and spit noise)
"Bless you"
"Blhdhd"
"Bless you"
"Blhhdhd"
"Bless you"
"Blhhdhd"
"Bless you"

She's such a nerd! I can't help but laugh at her.

Whenever we go over to her grandma's (which is pretty much daily) she busts through the door and yells, "SURPRISE!"

Such a grand entrance! Taking after her mother, perhaps? :)

The other day we sent her over to grandpa's for the evening so that Kurt and I could hang the wallpaper border in her room (it's about time!). We also decided to rearrange the furniture now that we'll be running the heat in there. So then we go get Mary, and she ends up falling asleep in Kurt's arms downstairs. He takes her, still sleeping, and lays her down in her crib. Fast forward to the next morning. I walk in her room to wake her up and she's just standing there, bewildered by the fact that everthing looks different than how she remembers it from the day before. Then I notice her stroking the wallpaper border (which has cute little farm animals on it) and saying over and over again, "Cow....cow....cow..."

Too funny!

Anyway, that's the update on us. Mary's still cooky and her mom and dad aren't far behind. :)

She'll eat when she's hungy

2007-09-17T15:32:00.000-04:00

Feeding Mary is a constant struggle. She never, NEVER wants to eat. I know she's maintaining a healthy weight and that her growth is consistant, but I still feel like a horrible mother when she picks at her food like a bird.

The funny thing is...she'll go for days eating hardly anything and then all of a sudden have a GREAT eating day. I love those days. She'll eat anything I put in front of her, the highchair isn't a struggle, and I don't have to FIGHT with her over food. One more time....I LOVE those days! I took pictures on one of those "good eater" days recently:

Here she is eating a piece of licorice that she got out of the cupboard all by herself (boy was I surprised to walk around the corner and see her with it in her mouth)!
And then later-on she took a stab at some spaghetti with a big-girl fork!
And to top off the day daddy let her munch on a few oreos just so mama would cringe at the thought of the mess everywhere!
What a silly girl!

the best vacation EVER

2007-09-17T14:45:00.000-04:00

So over the labor day weekend our little family packed up the mini-van (I should use the term "packed" lightly - it was more like cramming or stuffing to the brim) and headed westward. South Dakota was our destination, Interstate 90 was our route, and the trusty Ford Freestar was our chariot.

What's that you say? South Dakota is boring? South Dakota is a snooze? South Dakota is not a vacation destination? Well...let me tell you....you are one wrong puppy if this is your response. We had a BLAST!

The whole trip was very Griswold Family Vacation - we packed our own sandwiches, slept in a tent or cheap (CHEAP) motels, and spent as little money as possible. But let me tell you, it was so darn fun!

We saw a ton - the Corn Palace in Mitchell, Mount Rushmore, Rapid City, the Badlands, the Black Hills, Custer State Park...I could go on and on. There's a ton to do and we barely scraped the surface. We had a great time watching the landscape change from the bluffs of our hometown, to the cornfields of western Minnesota, to the rolling prairie, to the desert in the badlands, to the dramatic Black Hills. We saw tons of wildlife, did lots of cheesy family activities, and just enjoyed our little family. Mary was a dream and barely fussed at all (even though we spent almost 40 hours in our vehicle in a matter of 5 days).

Kurt and I kept getting excited and talking about future family car trips...seriously, it's the way to go.

Anyway, here's some fun pics from our trip. Enjoy!

43 always was my favorite number

2007-09-07T13:52:00.000-04:00

So on the drive back from South Dakota ( a little family vacation last week...I"ll blog about it soon). Kurt and I became bored and started to count all the words that Mary knows. Now, she can repeat just about any word you ask her....but these are words that she'll say on her own, unprompted. Basically, we've got a genius on our hands (is that Mom-bragging coming out?). :) I seriously do think that she's too smart for her own good...freaks me out some days. Anyways, if you have nothing better to do...check out all the words that Mary knows!

Book (she loves to read)
Hello (such a social butterfly)
Hi
Buh-Bye
Wow
Cow (driving through South Dakota we heard this word a LOT...."cow"....."cow"...."yes, Mary that's a cow"....."cow"....etc.)
Duck (mostly "duckie)
Puppy (loves her puppies)
Clayton (is it weird for her to be THAT obsessed with her cousin?)
Dadda
Mommy (melts my heart)
Milk (sounds like "milky")
Nice (this what she says when she knows she's been naughty....it's a beginners apology)
Mine
NO! (hear this a lot)
One ("How old is Mary?")
Bath
Copper
Jack
Cracker
Cookie
Kitty
Baby (We're trying to really talk a lot about babies at our house, in the event that we are chosen in the near future. Every night we have Mary put her babies to bed in a little cradle. It starts out sweet with a kiss and then she lifts them over her head and SLAMS them into the bed. It kinda scares me!)
Binkey (When she wants her pacifier she'll just repeat this word non-stop: Binkeybinkeybinkeybinkeybinkey! Kids are weird)
Potty
Up
Down
Night-night
Happy
Sad
Mary (it sounds like this: "Meme" Very cute!)
Owie
Buckle (She's obsessed with buckles lately...can't get enough of them)
Diaper
Okay (I must say this a lot because she just started picking up on it. She uses it very conversationally. "Mary let's go outside, okay?" "Okay!")
All-done (Comes out like this "All-dumb" cracks me up everytime I hear it)
Hooray (As in..."if you're happy and you know it shout Hooray!")
Meow
Beep-beep
Nay (is that how you spell the sound that a horse makes?)
Moo
Roar!
Nana (for banana AND for grandma!)

And she also does some random other animal noises but I thought I'd stop at 43 because...after all...that IS my favorite number.

Can you believe this kid!!?

huh?

2007-08-28T14:01:00.000-04:00

So it's no surprise to anyone that my little Mary is sporting some pretty fabulous curls on her head. I love them, I adore them....I seriously think they're just so. darn. cute. And, evidently, so does the general public. Everywhere we go we get comments on "those curls." People love to talk about her crazy hair and how adorable it is.

This morning was no different. I had to get an oil change so Mary and I dropped off the minivan and walked to McDonalds for a coffee and some breakfast while we waited. As I ordered my McGriddle this old, grandmotherly woman took my money. She, of course, commented on Mary.

"Oh my...isn't she just darling? How cute is she?!?!? And those curls...wow....tell me, are they natural?"

Huh?!?! Are they natural? I was just so confused? Did she think we permed her hair? Or that it was a wig? What does that mean, "are they natural"? Bewildered I just muttered "yes" to which she responded, "You know, I thought so!"

Weird, weird people.

two years

2007-08-13T22:17:00.000-04:00

Two years ago today I married the man of my dreams.

Two years ago today (probably at this very moment) I slow-danced underneath shining twinkle lights, staring into my new husbands eyes.

Two years ago today I took my vows in front of my closest family and friends, promising to love my best friend eternally.

Two years ago today I began my life, my future, my forever.

What a whirlwind two year journey we've had. What a wide open road we have in front of us.

I love you, baby. Thank you for making me the happies woman in the world.

Quicker than I had thought.

2007-08-13T22:06:00.000-04:00

So Baby 2 is progressing much faster than I thought he/she would. Again, NO I have not been chosen, placed, or anything like that. However, evidently, they roll out the red carpet for you when you've adopted through an agency before.

About one day after writing the last post about "Baby 2" I decided to call Bethany (our agency) just to see how things were progressing, did they have everything they needed for our formal application, and when should we start setting up the 3 meetings that comprise a "home study."

This is the response I got, "Oh...well....we're still missing a couple forms (background checks, etc.) but those forms shouldn't really hold us up. You know what, why don't we go ahead and start scheduling the homestudy. And since you guys have done this before, we're really just updating things. Let's condense it all into one meeting. How does next Tuesday work?"

(GULP)

In my head I'm thinking, "Woah....really? NEXT tuesday?"

Yes, really.

Evidently, God wants us to speed some things up. So we had our homestudy on August 7th. Our social worker (also the Branch Director....lucky us!) was fabulous and she knows several of the people we worked with in Iowa. We talked for nearly 4 hours, had pizza, and just enjoyed ourselves! It was great. Mary was a stinker and wouldn't nap, but aside from that it was such smooth sailing.

And so now I just need to get my act together and finish these profiles (the scrapbooks that birthmothers view to get to know a waiting family) so that we can be...officially waiting.

Wowza...so surreal. So awesome. So exciting!

Baby 2

2007-07-27T15:03:00.000-04:00

"Baby 2"

This is the term Kurt and I have, affectionately, given to our next little baby.

And that little baby, is in the works. Sort of.

Now don't get excited, we haven't been matched or gotten a call or anything. We've just....begun the process. We actually began a few months ago, but for some reason I didn't feel the urge to blog about it yet. It still feels weird to blog about it. Surreal, actually.

Officially, we've completed our formal application and will proceed with the homestudy in the next few weeks. My guess is that we'll be actually "waiting" at the end of summer/beginning of fall. And then...it's in God's hands.

I predict it could take longer this time, to get matched. We're going with Bethany Christian Services again, of Minnesota this time. The MN branch doesn't seem to have the same activity that the Iowa branch did. Plus birthmothers typically prefer to place with a childless couple. These factors, combined, make me think it could be awhile before we're a family of four. And I'm okay with that, I'm okay with whatever. I'm just along for the ride.

My heart is ready for another baby. Mary is so not an infant anymore! It will be good for her to have a little brother or sister as she's very spoiled with my attention all on her. Kurt is itching to hold a newborn again. We both have dreams of a big family and, in order to have that, we need to get the ball rolling again.

We're going into this so differently than last time. Less naiive, more sensitive to birthparents, more demanding of ethical and fair practices, more cautious....

....but at the same time, this tiny place inside of me is jumping up and down with excitement. Ready to grow my family, ready to hold my new little one, ready give my heart to a child all over again.

My new venture...

2007-07-27T14:56:00.000-04:00

Well, I've already announced it in real life...so I suppose I might as well announce it in my virtual world too.

I'm starting a business. Let me rephrase that, I've already started a business. I'm now the head cheese of Capturing Moments Photography. I even have a website to prove it: http://www.capturingmomentsphotography.net/

Check it out and let me know if I can be of service to you, photographically speaking. Also, if you have a website and wouldn't mind - I'd love if you put a link to my site on yours. It helps spread the word and makes my business comes up on search engines more frequently. At least that's what google tells me.

I'd love to hear any feedback you have! Thanks!

get it together!

2007-07-16T11:07:00.000-04:00

Mary is almost 14 months old.

Today she is wearing a size 18 months skirt and a size 6-9 months onesie.

And both fit perfectly.

Go figure.

Clothing manufacturerers....you all need to get it together!

waterbug

2007-07-13T14:33:00.000-04:00

We started swim lessons this past week. At first I wasn't sure if we were doing it for Mary's sake or mom's sake. I mean...what can a one year old really learn at swim lessons, right?

Turns out, they've been fairly good for her. Although Mary loves the tub, she's a fraidy-cat when it comes to pools. It took ten minutes for her to walk up to her knees on the first day (it's a zero depth pool). It took twenty minutes for her to force out a smile.

The next day was better (5 minutes). And the next even better (3.5 minutes).

Hey maybe by the end of next week I'll have a future olympic swimmer on my hands?

crybaby

2007-07-13T14:30:00.000-04:00

I don't know if it's because she knows she wants something but just can't say the words or what her problem is but Mary is one big whiner lately. Seriously! Whine, whine, whine.

"Mary what do you want?"

(whine whine whine)

"Do you want to get up?"

(whine whine...."up")

So I pick her up.

(whine whine whine)

"Do you want to get down?"

(whine whine "DOOOOOWN!") she is fairly dramatic afterall.

So I put her down.

(whine whine whine)

And the cycle continues. Any suggestions?

As if there was ever any doubt...

2007-07-03T17:08:00.000-04:00

Last night...in a nutshell...describes exactly why we felt the call to move up here.

I stopped by my parents store in the afternoon to grab some sweetcorn and other fresh goodies. As soon as I walked in, mom scooped Mary up and began showing her off to anyone who was willing to listen. After finishing up there I came back home where 'grandpa' was working outside. He stopped to play with Mary for a bit when up the driveway comes Uncle Tim and the twins. Of course the boys promptly mauled Mary over (not that she was complaining) and they all proceeded to giggle and run in the grass for a bit.

After they left, Kurt came home from work. We ate our sweet corn outside, sitting on the picnic table while the dogs ran around the yard. After finishing the tasty supper, we (Kurt, Mary and I) went for a family four-wheeler ride down to the pond and through a new trail that my dad had cleared. We enjoyed watching two young deer chase each other round and round. On the way back up I noticed some black-cap bushes and while Kurt gave Mary a bath I ran back out to pick a bowl-full.

After putting Mary to bed, Kurt and I sat on the couch and munched on berries (that I picked) and peaches (from my folks store) and just talked about how good life here is.

I just feel so blessed. So very, very blessed.

daddy's day

2007-06-25T12:39:00.000-04:00

We spent father's day weekend doing (what else?) camping!!! Kurt and my brother in law Tim set up camp just outside of town and we spent the weekend relaxing and enjoying the warm weather. Mary surprised us with the very best Father's Day gift ever...she slept in until 8:15 that morning! YES!!!

Daddy and Mary snuggling under the awning of the camper.

Mary and Kurt take a dip in the kiddie pool (a birthday gift from Aunt Sarah)

I love this pic of Clayton and his daddy Tim.

Look at this cheeseball just loving the swings! She cracks me up!

the new mom

2007-06-25T12:13:00.000-04:00

Did I tell you about the shirt Kurt made me wear for Mother's Day? He's such a nerd. Between the t-shirt, the corasage, and my new "mom" necklace I felt like I should have a neon sign blinking "MOTHER'S DAY" over my head!

Who am I kidding? I'm an attention junkie, I totally loved it.

Me, Mary, and my t-shirt on Mother's Day

3 generations of mothers: my grandma, my mom, and my sister Stacy and I with our kids

Seriously, do they get cuter than this? Mary with her cousins Christian and Clayton.

The Birthday Wrap Up

2007-06-25T11:42:00.000-04:00

Mary's party was already a month ago! Man oh man...time flies. We had a blast camping and enjoyed just being all together for a nice long weekend. Mary got so many thoughtful gifts...more toys than any little girl ever needs!
She was a bit hesitant with her cake at first. I wanted her to just go hog wild, but it took awhile for her to warm up to it. Once we gave her a spoon she began 'attacking' it and had a blast with that. Soon enough...cake was everywhere. That's my girl. :)
And of course we took pictures to prove it:

Not sure what to think about this cake thing...

Hey this spoon is pretty cool...maybe I'll go nutso on my cake with it!

Mmmm....Mary likey.

a funny

2007-06-25T11:38:00.000-04:00

For the many who have already heard this story a billion times...I apologize. I just think it's so darn funny.

A few weeks ago Kurt was going to the bathroom and he left the door open (come on - we all do it in our own homes!). Sure enough, little Mary comes toddling in.

She's hitting his calves when he says, "Mary - no no! Mary get away! Mary...that's daddy's private part."

Right on cue she loudly exclaims. "WOW!!!"

I literally didn't stop laughing for 10 minutes.

When it's been too long

2007-06-25T11:36:00.000-04:00

The hard part of blogging is...well...keeping up. And sometimes too much time slips by and then you have a billion and one things to blog about. The funny thing is, you sit down at the computer and you've got so much to say but no idea on where to begin. Hence...lots of little blogs for your reading enjoyment.

Happy 'special day' Mary!

2007-05-25T10:45:00.000-04:00

One year ago today...this little tiny pink bundle jumped into our lives and forever changed our world. In fact, this morning she woke us up at 6 AM crying to remind us just how much she has impacted out lives! We actually had a really nice morning...the whole family in bed. We retold Mary the story of her 'special day'...the day we first met her:

An interesting turn of events... :)
Oh my...where do I even begin this post? For starters, let me say the most important part: Kurt and I are parents!!! Yep, that's right...we're parents!!!

As I sit and type this Kurt is upstairs holding our sleeing, beautiful baby girl, Mary Emma Grace Hoeger. Today she is 10 days old (born May 22 at 6:01 AM). She is a tiny, little peanut and came into this world weighing only 6.1 lbs and measuring 18 1/4 inches.

So, now that I've dropped the bombshell, let me back track and tell you how this sweet little girl became a Hoeger.

Thursday, May 25th
Last Thursday was just about as ordinary of a day as they come. Kurt and I got ready and headed off to work. We ran late, which made me a bit crabby. I even told Kurt, "you know - today I have a lot of really important things on my plate" (referring, of course, to things happening at work). The morning proceeded as normal - running around trying to get lots of things done. Kurt and I were also trying to figure out how we would manage to get all of prep work done to spend the entire memorial day weekend camping with friends. We were making mental lists of groceries to buy and supplies to pack. Overall - we were running at full speed.

At about lunch time Kurt and I were talking on the phone, trying to plan an upcoming vacation to Montana (I'll be attending a conference out there in July, so we thought we'd go early and make it into a getaway for the two of us). We were arranging flights and deciding on accomodations, everything was nearly set. Just before we were to decide which type of car we'd rent, Kurt got another call on his cell-phone. He was sure it was a work call and said he better take it. I told him just to let it go to voicemail, "we need to get this arranged before my credit card information times out on the website." He let the call go, I pushed send - and poof, through the magic of the information superhighway we were destined for Montana. :) We said our goodbyes and that was that.

Until a few minutes later I get a call from Carol (our social worker at Bethany Christian Services). I could hardly believe when she told me the news, "Tammy, I just tried calling Kurt (that was her calling through when I told Kurt not to take the call)....I have news for you. There is a 3 day old baby girl waiting in Des Moines for you...come pick her up right away!" I was speechless....my body turned numb. This, I thought, this is what God had in the works us for us. Clearly...THIS is our baby.

Kurt and I finally got through to each other. He was already in the car heading to my work. "Let's go to Des Moines and get our baby!" We rejoiced together! Of course, however, there were some small details to take care of first. I had to call travelocity and beg to cancel our tickets we had purchased seconds earlier(the darnest situation, huh?). Thankfully they were kind enough to reemburse us fully. I also had to arrange some things at work (remember the 'big day' I talked about earlier...I had lots on my plate for the afternoon!). Fortunate for me, I work in a wonderful office with great people who celebrated with me and assured me that everything would get taken care of. I must admit that Kurt and I felt a bit like celebrities as we walked out of my office together. All my supportive coworkers were lined up smiling and waving! :)

So then we hopped in the car to rush to Des Moines...time to meet our baby. We drove too fast and prayed a lot along the way. I don't think it really set it what was actually happening. Reality hit soon enough as we pulled up to the Bethany office in Des Moines. We had to wait outside briefly, but were then ushered into the room where we met our precious little angel and her birthmother, Shawna. Shawna was very calm and she walked right up to me and placed Mary in my arms. She hugged me, she hugged Kurt, she said, "you look like good people, i bet you'll do a really good job." She hugged me again and I prayed over her. After we finished hugging she kissed Mary on the cheek, told her she loved her, and walked out. It was so quick. Quicker than I ever imagined.

When she left the room...Kurt and I just stared at each other. Oh my goodness...this is our daughter! We cried and held each other. Little Mary just slept peacefully. It was a moment I'll never forget.

A few hours later, after some appropriate legal work was signed...we were off for home! Thankfully Kurt's sister Traci was able to bring us a car seat to use (obviously we didn't have ours with us!). The ride from Des Moines to our house seemed to take forever. We just couldn't wait to get our little peanut home!

Which brings me to the present. Here we are...at home...one big happy family. Mary is a great baby - not fussy at all. She loves to be held and makes these sweet little faces when she's awake and feeling lively. She's eating a lot and gained 8 oz. over the weekend (The Hoegers know how to fatten someone right up!). I don't sleep much as she gets up every two or three hours. I don't mind though...I just kick back and watch a little "Mary TV" (a term I use for my new favorite activity...staring at my daughter for hours on end). We've had loads of visitors and everyone agrees with me...she is darn cute! I'll post some pictures so you can see so for yourself :)

On that note...I should probably run. I hear Mary fussing and I ought to go fix another bottle. Time for some more Mary TV.

God is so good and we owe all we have to Him! Praise His name!

Happy Birthday!

2007-05-22T12:21:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday sweet baby Mary!!!!

I can't believe you're one already. I love you more than words can express.

Love,
Mom

The best mother's day present....ever

2007-05-22T11:36:00.000-04:00

Before I begin this post, I want to give a shout out to my wonderful hubby Kurt. He's so thoughtful, caring, affectionate and he's madly in love with me and our daughter. He was so sweet to me on Mother's Day and woke me with a sweet card and a beautiful necklace. But that wasn't the best mother's day present I received.

The best mother's day present came two days later on Tuesday at about noon. It came right in the middle of feeding Mary lunch. The doorbell rang and by the time I got to the door, I could see the postwoman driving away. Looking down at my feet I noticed the package she left behind. Excitedly, I picked it up....I love getting packages. But then I saw who it was from...and I went numb.

The package was from Mary's birthmother, Shawna. A woman I've thought about every single day since we last saw her on May 25th, 2006 (the day we were placed with Mary). A woman who I feared we would never hear from again.

We sent letters every month to Bethany for her to pick up but she never retrieved them. We hoped, we prayed, we wished that she might reach out to us. And finally, two months ago...we broke the rules.

I found Shawna's address on a piece of paperwork given to us at placement. I knew what I had to do. I wrote her a letter and begged her to send a picture and some words for Mary. I wanted to let her know how much we value her role in Mary's life...how important she was. "Please...please...write us back."

Then nothing happened. For two...whole...months. I gave up. I became frustrated. I was even...inapropriately...angry.

Then last Tuesday the answer to my prayers happened. Words can't describe the joy I felt on realizing who the package was from. "MARY!!!" I screamed, "It's from your birthmom!"

I ran back to the highchair and sobbed as I read though the letters inside. Letters to me, to Kurt, to Mary. She included the hospital bracelets belonging to both her and Mary. She even put together a photo album with Mary's birth story. Pictures from before we even met Mary (at the hospital, etc.). There were even pictures of Shawna as a baby and growing up. Man she looked like Mary. It's unreal how much the look alike.

I cried such fat tears. Tears of joy for reconnecting with this woman who is so important to my daughter. Tears of sorrow at her pain and love for Mary. Bittersweet tears at the sad joy that is adoption.

Through my tears I looked up at my sweet baby girl. In perfect timing, she cocked her head sideways and softly muttered, "mom."

Oh yes, babygirl. This was from your mom.

Since then we've sent Shawna a package and also received another letter and a birthday card for Mary. In her letter she was so sweet to write, "tammy I was thinking of you on Mother's day...hoping that your first was good." Wow. Talk about being humbled. She was thinking of me?!?!?

No. On Mother's day I was thinking of her. I was sitting in a church holding my daughter on my lap and praying that God would keep this woman in His watch and maybe....MAYBE....move her heart to be able to reach out and connect with us.

God must have been smiling a knowing smile at that moment. The package was alreadyin the mail.

Yes indeed, the best mother's day gift ever.

these boots are made for walking...

2007-05-15T12:45:00.000-04:00

I've been a slacker and haven't blogged about this yet (silly mamma). About a week ago Mary took her first step!!! Then, very early the next morning, her dad had the privilege of watching her take 4 steps in a row. I was so happy for him to be able to see this and to experience this by himself. Later that day she took 7 steps in a row! What a stud!

One would think she'd be off and running a week later right? Not so much. She basically hasn't done anything since then besides a half step here and a half step there. She cracks me up.

She did say "Copper" the other day while pointing to him. Copper is our golden retriever. Kurt and I have always favored our black lab (Jack) over Copper (bad puppy parents...playing favorites). It's funny how Mary has her own favorites!

Random post, I know.

i AM the ugly face

2007-05-10T12:34:00.001-04:00

Others had wondered it, some had questioned it, but today I realized it for myself. I - AM- the ugly face (see previous post from 4.30.07 for explanation).

Mary had woken up from her nap so I went to go grab her. She was crying and fussing and a good look in the mirror always makes her smile (conceited much?). She just thinks it's so funny to see herself.

So over to the mirror we went. We made faces. We pointed. We laughed. And then, I saw it.

Here we were - mother and daughter but not by blood - making the EXACT same face as we giggled. Both of us scrunching up our nose and showing our big top gums as we laughed at something silly. Both of us making 'the ugly face.'

Nature vs. nurture...who knows?

All I can say is at that moment I felt a different type of closeness with her. One like I've never felt before.

One year ago

2007-05-02T23:39:00.000-04:00

One year ago today, we woke up believing that this was the day we would become parents.

One year ago today, the first birthmother with whom we were matched was scheduled for an induction.

One year ago today, that birthmother forgot to call and reserve a bed in the hospital which lead us to believe we would have to wait "one more day."

One year ago today, we went hiking and mushroom hunting because going back to work after finding out about the delay seemed so anticlimactic.

One year ago today, that birthmother went on to deliver naturally during the afternoon.

One year ago today, she had a baby girl.

One year ago today, she decided to parent that baby girl.

One year ago tomorrow, we found out about that decision.

One year ago tomorrow, we grieved and mourned and grew together as a couple in a way we never imagined.

One year ago today, another woman expecting a different little girl was three weeks from delivering. That little girl would become our baby Mary.

It's amazing what a difference a year makes. I was in the middle of a Wal-Mart run tonight when I remembered what "today" was. On remembering, I was struck with a flurry of emotions. I hurt to remember the pain that Kurt and I felt one year ago tomorrow. I was saddened to think of the angst and confusion that birthmother must have been feeling after she delivered her baby girl but before she made her decision to parent. I was embarassed to think of some of the thoughts I had and words I said upon experiencing a failed match. I was proud to think of all the ways that I've grown in the past year...of how much I've learned about ethical adoption. I was overwhelmed with thanksgiving on how our adoption journey turned out...in that we call Mary our daughter today. At the same time, I was still sad about that first little girl. For the few weeks that I knew about her before she was born, I really grew to love her. And that love doesn't just dissapear. This doesn't negate my love for Mary in any way shape or form. It's just all part of the story of my life. It's all part of my journey in motherhood.

Happy Campers

2007-04-30T13:24:00.000-04:00

For those of you that know Kurt and I, you know that camping is our passion. We bought our first tent just months into our relationship, our first pop-up camper the year we were engaged, and we purchased our travel trailer on the day that Mary was born. We. love. camping.

So this weekend was absolutely beautiful and we decided it was time to break out the campers. We spent the weekend at a state park just a few miles from here with my sister Stacy, her husband, and their twin boys. It was such a great time. Mary just loves being around her cousins, Clayton in particular. Those two just 'get' each other. They laugh so hard together and have a blast screaming and being silly. They roll around, Clayton gives Mary hugs and kisses, and, in general, they can't get enough of each other. It was great to see them having such fun.

On the first night there we went for a walk around the campground. Because we were camping, we HAD to bring along some beverages and we tossed a couple cans of Bud Lite into the wagon. Imagine our surprise when we look back and Clayton and Mary are "drinking" the UNOPENED cans of Bud Lite! It was too funny! I think Mary just enjoyed the cold feeling of the can on her gums and since Mary was doing it...Clayton had to join in as well!

And for those of you that missed it before...the cans are unopened!

I also picked up a fun garage sale toy for Mary. This Radio Flyer "bike" is the perfect size for her and she loves to honk the horn. The best part..only ten bucks!

Sooooooooo tired!

2007-04-30T13:18:00.000-04:00

Mary is in the process of weaning herself from two naps per day down to one nap per day. I was actually sort of sad when I realized this was happening. I rather enjoy those few moments when she's resting in her crib and I can get some things done without chasing after her! Not to mention that this is throwing off my daily schedule (says the ridiculous type-A mom)!

The whole process of going down to one nap is so confusing for her. She fights sleep constantly and ends up so, so, so tired. She can't decide if she's a morning napper or an afternoon napper (and somedays it's still both). All this craziness lead to her first highchair nap experience. I was literally in the middle of feeding her when I looked up and realized, "oh my gosh...she's asleep!" After giggling to myself, I whipped out the camera to snap a few shots.

Would you believe that she even continued to sleep as I took pictures, got her out of the highchair, changed a dirty diaper, and put her in the crib???? What a weirdo!

Busted!

2007-04-30T13:04:00.000-04:00

Lately I've been trying to be better about letting Mary 'roam free' a bit and not have her caged (i.e. in the exersaucer or playpen) or in my arms 24-7. It can be tempting to just shelter her from EVERYTHING so that I can go about my day faster and more efficiently, however I know that I need to just let her stretch her legs every once in a while too.

Well, last week I was doing just that when it dawned on me - "hey, I haven't seen her for a few minutes...I wonder where she is?" So I look. And I look and I look and I look. And where do I find Miss Mary?

In the bathroom...

With toilet paper....

Strewn e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e!

Rather than get mad....I whipped out the camera. Sometimes you just have to laugh.

In this pic, she knew she was totally busted!

I love this one because she was so frustrated that the TP was all gone!!
Motherhood....it certainly is humbling! :)

The Ugly Face

2007-04-30T12:50:00.000-04:00

Before I begin explaining the title of this post, let me first say that I AM a good mom, I DO think my daughter is the most beautiful thing ever created, and I WILL nurture a strong self-esteem within her.

Now...that being said. You can look at the photo below to gain a front-seat look at what Kurt and I have dubbed, "the ugly face."

Yes...that's Mary's ugly face. She started doing this about a week ago. Whenever she's excited or pleased she makes this odd...ODD face. She used to have this adorable smile (seriously - drop dead gorgeous). However lately she must have discovered some new facial muscles because she looooooves to scrunch up her nose, curl up her lips, and expose this monstrous upper gum of hers. It's absolutely HILARIOUS! We're so used to calling it "the ugly face" that we've actually forgotten that it's not socially acceptable to call your child...ugly. This has lead to some embarassing moments in public. :)

Anyway...just thought I'd share this pic of my beautiful...ugly...baby girl!

Suburban Housewife? Yes, I am.

2007-04-12T21:56:00.000-04:00

Yes, folks. I have officially earned the title. I am a housewife...and I have a minivan to prove it. Last week we traded in Kurt's truck and my old car for a Ford Freestar. It has remote sliding doors and dual control heat in front (two MUSTS in my book) and I simply adore it! Kurt has a work truck that he can use for personal use, so it would've been silly to keep the extra vehicles around. Even with logic on my side, poor Kurt was saaaaad to see his truck go. You can see him saying his final goodbyes below (thumbs down) and then me with my stylin new mommy-ride (thumbs up)! So now I've got the kid, I'm a stay at home, I drive a minivan....does this mean the super short hair cut is next!?!?!?! Lord, I hope not!

Putting myself out there

2007-04-04T23:17:00.000-04:00

So being a new stay-at-home mom, contrary to popular belief, does not leave me with a glowing social calander. Most days are filled with primary colored toys, baby food jars, and some cartoons. Every once in a while we turn up the i-Pod and do a rousing rendition of "this little light of mine" but mostly it's pretty tame around here.

However, seeing as I am a bit of an extrovert, there are times when I find myself missing the social scene. We're in a new place, in a new (new all over again) town, and in a new job (where my daughter is my 'boss'). To be blunt, Kurt and I are totally on the friend hunt. Nerds? Yes, we are.

So, as we are on the friend hunt, I've been doing all I can to put myself out there. I joined MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) and have met some nice moms there. We went out to dinner with some coworkers of Kurts. I even answered an ad on craigslist.com where a new mom was looking to have coffee with other stay at home moms. Actually turned out to be a good experience (yeah bravery!). Most recently (yesterday) I attended my first "Baby and Me" class. It was such a blast! Everyone there had babies under 12 months and we just played, sang songs, talked about mom stuff, etc. I was so glad I went! And don't kid yourself...I totally scoped the room out for potential friends. A girl needs her amigas!

Helping me on my friend hunt is my crazy daughter. Mary has developed quite the little personality and lately she loves to beller out this big, fake laugh whenever she can - just to steal the spotlight (imagine that...the daughter of Kurt and I wanting to be the center of attention!?!). Well whenever I'm in MOPS or Baby and Me, she finds just the right moment to let our her laugh. It's like she understands 'grown up conversation' and just wants to add her two cents. She literally has all the other moms in stitches from laughter (me too!). I have to admit, I secretly love her bold nature. She's just this unabashed little person...and I'm proud to call her mine.

Anyways, so I'm doing what I can to put myself out there. Hoping to meet some new people and grow some roots in our new place. And so far...it's working.

Welcome to the our new digs!!!

2007-03-22T23:34:00.000-04:00

Welcome to the new blog, friends!!! :) I guess it's rather fitting that I would move my blog to a new place NOW, considering we just had the big move to MN in real life. We're just moving all over the place, eh?

Hopefully this new site will be more user friendly, easier to navigate, and allow me to post more pics, etc. Any which way...welcome...glad you could stop by.

Don't forget to check back in every once in a while, you hear? :)